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My Gaycation From Hell is a series that is exactly what it sounds like – our favorite queer humans recount their nightmare gaycations far and wide. In this first installment, we’ve got Brooklyn’s own Felix and the Future (check out our interview from earlier this year here) giving us the lowdown on a music video shoot gone awry in Costa Rica. There’s sun poisoning. Monkey bites. Bloody hotel walls. A toilet of terror. READ ON IF YOU DARE…

A few years ago I went to Costa Rica with my boyfriend and two friends on a gaycation/music video shoot. Things went awry from the moment we landed. 

First off, we had 7 days to hang out, scout locations, and shoot some footage. I had been working out, eating well and trying to look as good as I could for my first big music video shoot. 

We took a small ferry boat from Punta Arenas to Cabo Blanco during which time I felt a strange gurgle in my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and saw a toilet bowl from hell with no toilet seat on it. I steadied myself as best as I could while practicing my chair pose and trying to swat the mosquitos that were attacking me.

I came out of the bathroom seemingly unscathed  on this bumpy boat ride to the horror of my friends. They all shouted, “Are you ok?” 

I had no idea what they were talking about. Apparently all the blood vessels burst in my face while I was doing the balancing act over the potty as well as numerous mosquito bites on my forehead. I tried not to freak out knowing that we brought some heavy duty makeup. 

We were welcomed at our casita on the water by our very own beach kitty we called Ceviche. We fed him, and he kept us entertained all night. Later that evening we heard a horrible scream, and we were all terrified to leave our rooms. When we finally ventured out, one of our friends was traumatized. He saw the poor kitty get ripped off the ground by an owl and taken into the night.

The next day we shot on mossy bank by a river, which probably wasn’t the best idea. Upon taking off my bathing suit I noticed several ticks crawling up my thighs. I texted my doctor to ask him if I had Lyme Disease. I don’t, thankfully. 

Some of the other mishaps from the gang:

  1. My boyfriend stepped on a sea Urchin.
  2. He also was electrocuted by the electric shower head heater.
  3. Friend passed out in her costume on the beach from sun exposure.
  4. I was almost dragged into the ocean by a super huge wave while shooting on some rocks.
  5. I was bitten by a Howler Monkey who jumped off of me, onto my boyfriend, and pointed at me and glared just like the Evil Monkey from Family Guy
  6. Our friend drove us 3 hours in the wrong direction when we all fell asleep in the car.
  7. We pulled over to see stay in a motel and when we turned the lights on the walls were covered in blood.

We were dehydrated, sunburnt, itchy and exhausted when we go to the airport. But it was a fabulous time and we made a fabulous video, all the while being super gay and wearing a mermaid tail.