This was originally published on June 10th, 2014. We’re running it again because there’s a flash flood warning. We thought you might need this. We certainly do. -ed
It’s D.C. summer monsoon season and if you haven’t turned those obnoxious weather alerts off your phone, you’re probably going to get a lot of flash flood warnings that make everyone around you scared shitless because 1) it is the loudest, most ambiguous alarm ever and 2) who still get’s those on their phone??
But, nonetheless, you shouldn’t drive or bike or walk or take an Uber in a flash flood, so just stay home and watch these movies while the Potomac probably floods the Waterfront (again).
Sharknado (2013)- available to watch on Netflix and to rent on Amazon Instant Video and iTunes
Honestly, if you haven’t been exposed to Tara Reid’s riveting performance in Sharknado, I don’t know what to tell you other than to take the time during a possible flash flood to experience it. You don’t watch Sharknado, you live it in the most absurd way possible. And while sharks flying around and devouring people in a storm isn’t exactly comparable to a flash flood, this level of destruction should make you feel a little more safe when you see the water puddles in the metro.
Chinatown (1974)- available to watch on Netflix and to rent on Amazon Instant Video and iTunes
A crazy twist of sleuthing, conning and private investigating, Chinatown is a film mostly all about water and weird California water politics (because California is dry and people in L.A. like to drink water, fill pools and water their lawns). Don’t spend your rainy/flooded day watching shitty movies, although there is definitely room for those (see above). If you haven’t seen this yet, WATCH IT so you can finally be in on the joke when any of your film buff friends says “Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.”
Ghostbusters II (1989)- available to buy on Amazon Instant Video and iTunes
Replace water with mysterious mood-affecting pink slime and you get a flash flood big enough to call the Ghostbusters. Maybe it’s better than the first one, maybe it isn’t (I’m not getting into that debate), but it’ll definitely keep the mood light when the storm rolls in.
Atonement (2007)- available to rent on Amazon Instant Video and iTunes
There is a small flood in this movie (that’s not really a spoiler, don’t fret), but the biggest flash flood you’ll experience here will be YOUR TEARS RUSHING DOWN YOUR FACE AND DRIPPING ON YOUR LAPTOP because this is the saddest, most beautiful movie of all time. I’m still bitter about it not winning Best Picture, but I guess I’ll need to get over that eventually. James McAvoy has never looked better than when he’s effortlessly wooing Keira Knightly in this World War II love story. Perfect stormy weather movie. And that library sex scene… damn.
Hard Rain (1998)- available to rent on Amazon Instant Video and iTunes
Morgan Freeman. Christian Slater. Flooding. Robbery. The Midwest. Literally what is this movie and why does it have only 25% on Rotten Tomatoes? Maybe because its an odd combination, part disaster film/part thriller, but honestly I haven’t seen a better tagline than “A simple plan. An instant fortune. Just add water.”