Missed Nic Cage Connections
andrew bucket | Jan 7, 2014 | 10:30AM |

From Lost In Las Vegas

At Cesar’s palace I overheard you speaking with a sex worker about your plan to drink yourself to death. I was immediately jealous of your vacation.

I’ll never ever ask you to stop drinking if you never ask me to stop believing in the way you looked in that sport coat.

I’ll be at the Flamingo.

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From A Historical Hottie

>>>>>>>>>>>> Here is a Featured Event >>>>>>>>>>>>
Friday 04/21
Paul Rodriguez LIVE from Original Latin Kings of Comedy @ Arlington Cinema & Drafthouse
$25 / $25
Longtime comedian Paul Rodriguez has been making audiences laugh all over the world (in Spanish and English) for nearly three decades with his unique brand of humor that is a perfect blend of his Latin heritage, the American dream and his undeniable universal appeal. As an actor and comedian, Paul Rodriguez’s multi-faceted career includes starring roles and featured appearances in over 45 films and countless television series and comedy specials. Voted one of the most influential Hispanics in America and awarded the Ruben Salazar Award by The National Council of La Raza (NCLR), the largest national Hispanic civil rights and advocacy organization in the United States, Rodriguez has remained a constant force in his community and the world of comedy throughout his career. Rodriguez's film credits include "Without Men" with Eva Longoria and Christian Slater; "Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore;" "The Deported," "I’m Not Like That No More"with comedian Felipe Esparza (2010 "Last Comic Standing" winner), Disney’s blockbuster hit "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," "The World’s Fastest Indian," "A Cinderella Story," "How to Get the Man's Foot Outta Your Ass," "Ali," "Tortilla Soup," "Crocodile Dundee in LA," "Rat Race," "Bloodwork," "Chasing Papi"and "D.C. Cab," among others. The multifaceted entertainer recently wrote and performed his first-ever one-man show "Just for the Record," which is now available on DVD. In this tell-all theatrical piece, Rodriguez takes audiences on a journey through his remarkable life, including his childhood in Mexico, to his family's move to Compton, California (where he grew up), his illustrious career and the significant relationships and moments that helped shape his life along the way. Rodriguez has hosted several hit series, including the entertainment talk show "El Show de Paul Rodriguez," an entertainment talk show for Univision which reached over 50 markets throughout the United States and an international audience in over 17 countries in Central and South America. His additional hosting credits include the The NCLR ALMA Awards, The Tejano Music Awards, Showtime’s Latino Laugh Festival and his own television specials "Back to School" and "Behind Bars." He recently hosted "Mis Videos Locos with Paul Rodriguez” on Tr3s: MTV, Música y Más. As an accomplished writer, director and producer for television, motion pictures and feature shows, Rodriguez has several hit projects to his credit including the comedy concert film "The Original Latin Kings of Comedy," which he executive produced and starred in along with Cheech Marin, George Lopez and Carlos Mencia; the feature film "A Million to Juan,"which he also wrote, directed and starred in; six comedy specials for HBO including "Loco Slam, " "Live in San Quentin" and "Idiots and Armadillos." As executive producer, he recently struck comedy again with his Comedy Central stand-up concert DVD, “Comedy Rehab.” In addition to his many hit comedy specials in English, Rodriguez has the distinguished credit of performing the first-ever one-hour standup comedy special in Spanish, "Dime Con Quien Andas,"for Telemundo. Among his many credits, Rodriguez has also made guest appearances on several Late Night shows including "The Wanda Sykes Show,""The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," "Last Call with Carson Daly,"and "Politically Incorrect." Additionally, he has guest starred in several television series including "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List," "Shaken Not Stirred," DIRECTV’s"S upreme Court of Comedy,"Showtime's original series "Resurrection Boulevard"and"American Family." He has also lent his voice to popular animated series including "King of the Hill,""Dora the Explorer" and "The Proud Family." Rodriguez’s first big break came while doing comedy warm-ups for Norman Lear's show "Gloria."Lear ultimately wrote and developed a weekly series for Rodriguez entitled "a.k.a. Pablo," which is enshrined at the Smithsonian and holds the distinct honor for being the first television show about a Mexican American family on mainstream American television.
>>>>>>>>>>>> Ok, back to the article! >>>>>>>>>>>>

Me: I was on a field trip with my 8th graders to see the Declaration of Independence; we had spent the semester studying the great patriot Benjamin Franklyn. I have brown hair, brown pants, tan sweater, and brown sandals.

You: Stealing the Declaration of Independence. Looking hot, exasperated, kind of Italian.

Let’s rewrite American history??

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From The Salivating Swinger

Near the alley where I go #2 there’s a diner, I believe you are the proprietor, the tall balding fellow. So that soup table? The one that comes with free soup for the needy? It’s usually occupied. Obviously it’s occupied. It’s one table. That might be reasonable in a quaint town, but in New York City it’s a drop in the ocean. Aren’t you and that woman millionaires?

Anyway, you’re not a bad looking couple. Do you swing?

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From An Adult Video Amateur

I was browsing the adult video market, the one run by the Mexican guys downtown in the underbelly of a strip mall. I was thumbing through the amateur made VHS tapes when I heard a voice ask in very poor Spanish for “peliculas de snuff” and I whirled around as fast my head would turn, but instead of a horrible monster pervert, I saw you! A tall, hunky stack of mancakes.

I don’t have peliculas de snuff, but I’ve got a sublet apartment and a penis.

zT2Tk

From A Frisky Face

Me: clinician assigned to removed your face from someone else’s head, and thought you were much cuter than the cop with his ridiculous chin. I heard you had died already in a pretty long chase after the most implausible exposition ever, so I’m sad. But would not mind sitting on that face of yours anyway.

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From The Valley Vixen

I was on the beach and couldn’t help but notice the hairiest punk rocker I’ve ever seen. Most punks with their shirts off look like 9-year-old girls, but not the hirsute beach bum punk that I laid these sore eyes upon.

I wonder what dark smoky bars you hang out in… Probably tons cooler than the phony preppy parties on the rich side of town where I hang out. All we do is drink Malibu and coke… and do coke.

Show me the other side of the tracks?

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Comments:
Recent Comments:
  • Andrew Bucket says:

    Nice catch Karl!

  • Karl says:

    I know of Caesars Palace in Vegas, but where is “Cesar’s palace”? Is that in Tijuana?