I waited a bit before watching the newest Lana vid. Mainly because I love her, and seeing that I learned she had made the video via this Facebook update:
which definitely DID NOT seem promising, I was a little nervous that it would suck. But at some point, as a Lana fan, I gotta rip off the bandaid—even if it’s a 30 minute long procedure involving, apparently, “celebrity gods, strippers and guns, and the poems of Walt Whitman.” So I’m going to do it now, folks. And, as I do it, I’m going to give you a minute-by-minute(ish) account of my reaction. Because commentary. Watch along, and join me in ADVENTURE!
Okay I’m crossing my fingers. (And reminiscing.)
Clouds, rose, John Wayne as god, and Lana is a saint. Got it.
Jesus is hanging out with Marilyn! Okay….okay….I see you, Jesus.
Elvis. But also definitely not Elvis because this dude is unquestionably the Hulk, just in a white bedazzled jumpsuit.
Seriously terrifying. If this is heaven, please send me to hell.
This place bears a striking resemblance to the fairy dimension in True Blood. I don’t even think anyone besides me has even stuck with shitty True Blood long enough to get that reference.
Lana looks good. That’s all I’m sure of regarding this video at the moment.
I am not down with this. Not even a little down.
(Primarily because unicorns are only okay if Lisa Frank.)
Aw, she started singing.
THIS SONG IS:
And now they’re grinding in loincloths, the way the Lord intended.
Etherial, erotic, everything.
I swear Marilyn and Elvis each just fist-pumped to Lana getting some.
Update: Continuation of some very subtle Adam and Eve references.
Something about the juxtaposition of a shot of Lana biting the apple in the Garden of Eden with this:
Seems slightly suggestive of some antiquated gender stereotypes.
The music stops. Adam takes a bite of the apple. Elvis has some things to say about his decision.
And, suddenly, Adam works at the bodega down the street.
“Nipples, breast milk.”
Spotted: cocaine and bubbles.
She’s still listing things, just now with butts.
Adam’s intimidating gang members with a plunger and, with that, the believability of this video goes down the toilet.
Shit’s getting demonic. Also, starting to seriously question the lack of music in this music video.
But then, the music comes back. Lana and Adam are at some sort of Dia de los Muertos rave and she’s acting sultry with a lower stomach tattoo and I can’t help it; I fall in love.
“Fuck yeah, give it to me.”
Adam took a bite of the apple at the strip club. Which I get, because like, he took a bite of the apple earlier, and now he’s doing it again but in a completely different setting.
“I was an angel looking to get fucked hard.”
They found love in a hopeless place. Wow, this video is seriously just full of allusions.
The music stopped and Marilyn is back, which is boring.
There was a shot of the universe and suddenly we’re at a middle age man’s birthday party. Which is somewhere I really never want to be—even if only vicariously through a Lana del Rey video.
They’re surprising birthday boy Jack with a stripper, so….
naturally, it’s Lana with star-shaped pasties on.
I’m still on the fence about all of this. Jack, however, is not. Jack is quite pleased.
Some poetry is happening. I like poetry, but it’s hard to focus because there are a lot of strippers on screen right now.
Uh, oh. Adam came in wearing a bandana over his mouth which means he is up to NO GOOD.
Yeah Adam is super not okay with Jack and company. Some shooting is happening, and everyone looks afraid.
NEXT SCENE: She is now talking about L.A. while her friends shoot into the air. I’m having trouble relating.
More poetry, only this time less butts.
No poetry, now lots of baptisms.
(In soft focus.)
But check out Lana in the meadow! She looks good in the meadow.
Them are some serious golden hour beauties.
The only thing is that all this dancing in a white dress in the middle of a meadow stuff is seriously reminiscent of a tampon commercial.
Things have been pretty calm since the couple moved to the meadow. I think it’s good for them. They have been through a lot, what with the apple and stripping and shooting and what-not.
CURVEBALL: They’re floating and I’m pretty sure I see a UFO.
And just like that, it was over.
Okay. Im going to watch the original Blue Jeans video now.