Every day this week, Steve and Allan from Middle Distance Runner and a special DC musical guest are eating a region-specific hot dog from around the country, reviewing it, and comparing it to a professional wrestler. Middle Distance Runner is having a DC-only release show at the Black Cat this Saturday for their new, self-titled EP.
Read previous ones here:
The Dog: “The Half-Smoke”
The Venue: Weenie Beenie
The Region: Washington, D.C.
The Specs: A sausage, sliced long-ways down the middle and filled with chili, cheese sauce, mustard, and onion, and presented on a white roll.
Well, here we are. The final day of the blog and the day we finally try Washington, DC’s own half-smoke from Weenie Beenie!
Phase 1: Purchase – When I ordered our chili-smokes (a half-smoke with chili, dummy) and fries and got the bag, I stood in front of the window for an extra 5 minutes waiting for my dogs. The cashier then informed me that I “should be all set”. The dogs were so tiny that I didn’t even know they were in the bag!
Phase 2: Consumption – As Allan and I unfolded the wrapping of our dogs with anticipation that can only be likened to Charlie and his golden ticket, we were met with the sight of one of the least attractive dogs I have ever seen. The bun was squeezed so tightly in the wrapping that it enveloped the dog like Britney around a bathing suit.
Unfaltering, we bore down on the dogs like wolves, which are sort of like dogs, but gray and scary.
Phase 3: Reaction –
Allan: “Dude, this is fuckin’ good!”
Steve: “Fuckin’, this is so good!”
I was confused. I always thought big hot dogs, more chili on them more cheese the better. This shut me up and put me in my place. A little bigger than an eggroll, but with more flavor than a Hot Latina holding a gallon of Emeril’s Essence and a pound of bacon.
I liked this hot dog. Actually, I loved it. We went back the next day on our way to Norfolk. The fact that this place is 5 minutes from our house means you better get used to Meatloaf Distance Runner. Flavor is the new cocaine and fat is the new cool. Deal with it, style hounds.
Ravishing Rick Rude
“What I’d like to have is for all you fat, out-of-shape sweathogs, to keep the noise down while I take off my robe.”
After eating the half-smoke, we do feel like a couple of sweathogs, but this dog was far from ravishing. Ravishing Rick Rude wasn’t either though, so this makes sense. His face wasn’t much to look at, but once you get past that, there’s a hell of a body behind it. This guy could wrestle, and he had attitude a-plenty!
Well, that’s it, gang! For five days we’ve filled our bodies with sodium and nitrates ‘til we could barely talk, and all for the sake of a hilariously irrelevant buildup to our EP release show! Please come out tomorrow to the Black Cat, or all of our efforts will have been in vain. And, in closing…
Middle Distance Runner RULES!! Kobayashi SUCKS IT!!