So do snag those passes ASAP, because the earlier you buy, the cheaper they’ll be! And then you’ll be left with disposable income! If you’re wondering how to spend it, then I have some ideas in this round of Merch Party, which, as you may have guessed from the title, is CELINE DION THEMED!
Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” 100% MADE 1997’s Titanic. (PS, do you ever watch Titanic and your brain does that thing where it thinks things might turn out differently at the end? Like, no matter how many times you watch it? There’s always a part of me that feels like MAYBE THEY’LL ALL MAKE IT OUT OKAY THIS GO ROUND! But they just never do.) That hit track aside, she’s just the most queen that ever queened. Evidence:
So let’s get into the commercial ways we can show our love for her RIGHT NOW:
LIFE-SIZE CUTOUT, $74.97 + $9.97 SHIPPING
Two years ago I threw myself a Celine Dijon birthday party, which was where we just played a lot of Celine Dion songs and ate a lot of different kinds of mustard. I came very close to buying this life-size cutout for decoration, but my minimalist sensibilities kicked in and prevented me from purchasing. However, I still feel like we (you and me and everyone) NEED THIS:
METAL SWEATSHIRT, $28.81
Maybe you have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you are both a metalhead and a Celine Dion fan at heart. Why should you have to choose? Show the world your true colors with this most excellent hybrid sweatshirt:
If the former was too much sleeve and/or too much thrash for you, perhaps this T-shirt will do the trick. Real men DO like Celine Dion. Preach that good gospel:
COLLAGE TANK TOP, $24.99
Maybe you don’t get down with sleeves at all, in which case this collage tank top is the right thing for you! Just look at the many faces of Celine!
PASSPORT HOLDER, $16.57
Who wouldn’t want to travel with Celine Dion?! Show customs officers who’s boss! No one will prevent you from crossing international borders when Celine is on your side! She is your lady! You are her man!
PRAYER CANDLE, $12.99
If you’re too poor to travel, then skip out on the passport holder and invest in something much more valuable – a Celine Dion prayer candle! Use it to attract good things like money and poutine by praying to our one true lord and savior Celine Dion. Results may vary, but your soul will be v. clean!
And one more time, just for the people in the back –