If you’ve been watching the Olympics as hard as I have but retain little to no interest in 90% of the represented sporting events during all other non-global stage times, then you may have been asking yourself, “Where in the fuck is McKayla Maroney, queen of the unimpressed?”
For those of you who need refreshing, McKayla Maroney was the girl who launched a thousand memes after she made this glorious face in London in 2012:
(Serious NYC “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME” goals.)
I’m still not entirely positive why she didn’t make the cut for this year’s US gymnastics squad (I think she might have retired?), and I am too tired to Google it for concrete answers, but I do know that she is about to drop a BEAT, y’all.
Apparently since leaving the world of aggro-tumbling behind, Maroney has set her sights on developing a musical career. And what kind of music is she “crafting”? Well, she describes it as “vulnerable pop”, so…Dashboard Confessional? Is that what that means?
She goes on to say that the tunes are “melody and lyrically driven” (so…pop songs, got it…) and that her favorite theme as of late is ever popular L-O-V-E. Her debut track (titled “Ghost” // #SPOOKY #EMOTIVE) will drop on September 8th, and I, for one, cannot fucking WAIT to be so unimpressed that I become impressed.
My main hope is that this is all part of a majorly calculated career trajectory plan; ideally she’d develop a singer-songwriter persona for a few years with the ultimate intention of landing herself a permanent seat as a judge on some shit like The Voice, which would allow her to finally utilize her god-given disapproving face in a professional environment, aka one where routine, unabashed judgment is highly encouraged.