So it’s still March. In case you haven’t been thoroughly turned off the entire concept of higher education due to sad losers like me tweeting unnecessary updates into your timelines about their prognostication failures, we (OK, just I, everyone else at BYT told me this was a terrible idea) decided to pit 64 different fictional colleges and universities against each other to see who would win. I guess the concept is that the fake colleges would field a basketball team and play a game? Even though almost none of the characters from these fictional properties are athletes? I don’t know. Let’s cut to the chase–this is a popularity contest.
So a lot of these Regional Divisions make no sense (Why is Ender’s Game in Nerd rather than Lit and why is the college from Pokemon in Lit and the college from Revenge of the Nerds in TV?) plus the seedings appear to be completely random, and many worthy contenders have been left out. So it’s just like the real NCAA tourney! WhoooooooooHoooooo (I feel disgusting right now (for a full key to who everyone is please click here).)
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REGION 1 – MOVIES
#1 Faber College (Animal House) is like the SEC of this Bracket. They’re super venerable and respected but nobody really likes them that much and they won’t go far. Pitch Perfect’s Barden University or the Marx Brothers -coached Huxley are very underrated for their seeding, imo. Columbus (from Higher Learning) has a lot of potential, but somehow just never hangs together that well. Medfield College is from Disney’s the Absent Minded Professor, which I confused for The Nutty Professor, who actually taught at Wellman College, so consider that the first major snub of the tourney, I guess.
REGION 2 – TELEVISION
There was way too much good shit here. The fact that the University of China IL (the Worst School in America) has to play Rocky and Bullwinkle’s Wossamatta U to face L&O’s ubiquitous Hudson University (one of many Manhattan based colleges in this competition…you know, like normal where there are lots of regular colleges there with athletic programs) is hilarious to me in my brain, as is Dawson Creek vs Felicity and Friday Night Light’s TMU (corrected here from the big board version) vs Coach’s MN State. Coach was the only fictional thing here (and probably ever) which was actually about basketball, so they’re probably going to dominate. Never count out that wacky bunch at Greendale though! Ha ha ha. I am vomiting with self-esteem while writing this.
REGION 3 – Nerd
What a malodorous heap of Nerd garbage this division is. Hogwarts isn’t even a college. I have no idea what I’m doing. The only team here I don’t loath is Judge Dred’s Academy of Law, who I wish could simultaneously attack Lost’s Dharma Hippie Enclave, the Jedi weirdos, and Buffy. Superheros are rubbish at sports, as everyone knows, so I’d bet on the cartoons if I were you.
REGION 4 – Lit
You will never read 50% of these books. I haven’t read 70% of them now. I pretend like I read White Noise, but I really just skimmed it. That doesn’t stop me from having an opinion obviously so let’s get it on. It’s rough that ‘I Am Charlotte Simmons'” southern powerhouse Dupont has to take on scrappy Doonesbury Ivy Walden in the first round–major upset alert yo. Don’t get sentimental though, Sweet Valley University is going to demolish Neil LaBute’s dorky Midwestern art school with Neil LaBute-ish ferocity. At least the #1 seed makes sense here–nobody can ball like the Outer Gods. Everyone else feel free to Google and care about for 10 minutes before they get swept away into the fictional losers column. Sic transit gloria mundane.
So there we go! Vote for your favorites by texting “HELP” to your AA sponsor and crawling under the divan. Or just tell me why this is all horribly wrong in the comments. I’ll update with the results later. I can’t wait until April.