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John Mulaney (Saturday Night Live, Mulaney) and Nick Kroll (The Kroll Show) have teamed up with George St. Geegland (Too Much Tuna) and Gil Faizon (Too Much Tuna) to bring you Oh, Hello. Fresh off a successful Off-Broadway run, Oh, Hello is indescribable but is loosely based on Gil and George’s hit television show Too Much Tuna. Gil and George were able to hop on a call with us in preparation for their upcoming D.C. dates at The Warner, February 14, 15 & 17, to give the District some much-needed advice on matters of the heart.

Brightest Young Things: Hello?

Gil Faizon: Helloooo Jenn, how are you sweetie?

BYT: Great how are you guys?

Gil: Good, we’ve just gotten the landline we’re very excited. We’re allowed to make calls now. George, are you there sweetie? He’s not on the phone right now. George was calling from a payphone. He might have run out of quarters. I wonder if they kicked him out of the library where he’s on the payphone.

George St. Geegland: What?

Gil: I told the girl you were on a phone at the library and maybe you ran out of quarters.

George: What happened to these 1-800 call collects? Is this a woman reporter? Gil, is it a woman reporter?

Gil: Yes, careful, they’ll try to pin us on something.

BYT: I’m excited we could all be here together and we’re especially looking forward to seeing you this weekend. One of your shows is on Valentine’s Day which is vaguely depressing.

George: Not when we’re on stage. It’s a holiday about sensuality. We come on stage and people feel sensual and they feel full so it seems like it’s a good thing.

BYT: Because you guys are so loving and so in touch with your emotions and the way men and women are interact with each other we asked our readers to write in with some dating questions.

George: I don’t want any gotcha questions about Israel.

BYT: This is not propaganda, I promise.

Gil: Our issue is less with propaganda and more with Propa-Danza and that is propaganda in support of Tony Danza.

BYT: First question: We can’t decide on a vacation spot. I prefer hiking and camping and living in a weird, small cabin but my lady wants to take a cruise. What do we do? – Vacay-Shunned in Bethesda

Gil: If they’re living in Bethesda they should do a staycation.

George: Bingo!

Gil: They go to Einstein Bagel and to show how much they love each other they get one of these fancy roasted red pepper’d cream cheeses, a red cream cheese. Red is love and then you schmear each other up with cream cheese and then you take a bite.

George: Have a night out in Silver Spring Jenny-J. There’s a Marriott along the Potomac. There are so many wonderful little hideaways within the Maryland area. I would say stay at home, really hole up. Disconnect the phones and maybe dive into some conspiracy videos. Just don’t see other people. I think the best vacation you can have is when you don’t talk to anyone else for days.

BYT: Do you have time for a couple more? I know you guys are busy and running out of quarters.

George: I have to swallow a vitamin dry in 5 minutes. It’s a food-based vitamin.

BYT: We’ll make sure you do that, next question: I have a cat but my girlfriend is horribly allergic. Help! – Pussy-Whipped in PG County.

Gil: Romance is a real roller coaster and sometimes you have to keep people off their feet to really get it going.

George: Here’s what I would do. I would smear the cat. I’d start a smear campaign. I’d doctor an old photo and say your cat was involved in the Third Reich in Nazi Germany and get the cat extradited out of the country to stand trial. That way you’d be so disgusted by what the cat did. If the cat is extradited to stand trial that could take care of it.

BYT: It’s a long game but it’ll get the job done.

George: It’s a lot shorter than you think. I once doctored a photo of Gil as Idi Amin. He ended up using it as his license photo by accident. He got pulled over one time on The Hutch and the cop was like “Oh, you’re Idi Amin you’ve got to come with us.”

Gil: This is what really hurts, he photoshopped a pictured of me and it wasn’t even photoshop. He cut it out and glued it to an Idi Amin picture. He wrote “I like totalitarianism. I Idi Amin it,” and I couldn’t stay mad at him because the pun was that good. We literally buried the hatchet, one that Idi Amin used to chop people up.

BYT: Last question and thank you so much: My boyfriend’s parents can’t stand me and I’m afraid it will create a rift between us. – Parents Just Don’t Understand in Petworth

Gil: I’ve found that sex is a good way to get people to like you. I would offer sexual favors to both of them individually or as a couple. The boyfriend can film it on one of those instant cameras. You go to CVS and you develop it then you bring the pictures back. Hopefully there was a leak in the camera so there’s a lot of orange light in the picture then everyone sits around the table and enjoys and remembers what a fun time it was.

George: Or, there was this super in my building who hated me because I was always trying to flush clothing I didn’t want anymore down the toilet. We really didn’t get along and we ended up taking acid together when he came up to fix a leak. He patched up the leak then we patched up everything and caulked everything. We put on some records and it was a really beautiful experience. A group acid journey with those parents might really work. Or since they’re adults they shouldn’t worry about their fucking parents anymore. I’m not one to talk I don’t talk to my daughter anymore.

Gil: By the way George congratulations on that.

George: Thank you, it’s been going on three years.

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