I’m an only child and I want a lot of things, right now.
1. A Talking Rodney Dangerfield Doll.
2. For AT&T To Add Jambi the Genie To My Cell Phone Plan.
3. A Top 10 Ranking in The Aggressive Grip Ball Circuit by Summer 2012.
4. OshKosh B’Gosh Hand-Print Overalls in My Size.
5. To Be Reincarnated As One of Sam Kinison’s Assistants, Sabrina or Malika.
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BONUS:
6. An Airbrush Kiosk.
DOUBLE BONUS:
7. This 1911 Rolls Royce Silver Ghost built for The Maharaja of Mysore.
Or This One.
TRIPLE BONUS:
8. A Privacy Shell So We Can French/Talk About “Daddy” Issues Anywhere.
QUADRUPLE BONUS:
9. To Attend The Wrap Party of SNL’s Best Show Ever.
DOUBLE QUADRUPLE BONUS:
10. To Possess All The Sparkly Visors in Boca Raton.
ELITE BONUS:
11. A Gilded Copy Machine.
MEGA BONUS:
12. Life Coaching Sessions With Will Powers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snNNxcLtRc8
ULTRA- SWEET BONUS:
13. A Butt-Head Lighter on My Person at All Times.
TACO SUPREME BONUS:
14. Access to the Moschino Jeans Archive.
BONUS DELUXE:
15. A Mentorship With Young Peter Gabriel.
PREMIUM BLEND BONUS:
16. To Delight In The Margarita Stylings of Mr. Reed Rothchild.
BONUS BONUS:
17. A Pizza Sweater Dress That Allows Me To Simply Point Out My Order.
BONUS-O-RAMA:
18. The Universal Right to Design One’s Own Wrestling Buddy.
ULTRASUEDE BONUS:
19. Cheeseburger Combos.
DEFINITIVE BONUS:
20. The Opportunity To Say, “Hey, Cool Umbros” at Least Once Every Day.
