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I’m an only child and I want a lot of things, right now.

1. A Talking Rodney Dangerfield Doll.


(source)

2. For AT&T To Add Jambi the Genie To My Cell Phone Plan.

3. A Top 10 Ranking in The Aggressive Grip Ball Circuit by Summer 2012.

4. OshKosh B’Gosh Hand-Print Overalls in My Size.

5. To Be Reincarnated As One of Sam Kinison’s Assistants, Sabrina or Malika.

*****************************************************************************

BONUS:

6. An Airbrush Kiosk.


DOUBLE BONUS:

7.  This 1911 Rolls Royce Silver Ghost built for The Maharaja of Mysore.

Or This One.


TRIPLE BONUS:

8. A Privacy Shell So We Can French/Talk About “Daddy” Issues Anywhere.


QUADRUPLE BONUS:

9. To Attend The Wrap Party of SNL’s Best Show Ever.

DOUBLE QUADRUPLE BONUS:

10. To Possess All The Sparkly Visors in Boca Raton.

ELITE BONUS:

11. A Gilded Copy Machine.

MEGA BONUS:

12. Life Coaching Sessions With Will Powers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snNNxcLtRc8

ULTRA- SWEET BONUS:

13. A Butt-Head Lighter on My Person at All Times.

TACO SUPREME BONUS:

14. Access to the Moschino Jeans Archive.

BONUS DELUXE:

15. A Mentorship With Young Peter Gabriel.


PREMIUM BLEND BONUS:

16.  To Delight In The Margarita Stylings of Mr. Reed Rothchild.

BONUS BONUS:

17. A Pizza Sweater Dress That Allows Me To Simply Point Out My Order.

BONUS-O-RAMA:

18. The Universal Right to Design One’s Own Wrestling Buddy.

(source)

ULTRASUEDE BONUS:

19. Cheeseburger Combos.

DEFINITIVE BONUS:

20. The Opportunity To Say, “Hey, Cool Umbros” at Least Once Every Day.


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