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I’m an only child and I want a lot of things, right now.

1. To Pop Wheelies Upon This Steed.

2. A Wesselman Nude Self-Portrait.

3. Proposal by Pizza.

4. Dirty Art Supplies.

5. To Slaughter the Cast and Crew of the New Sumatra-based Wes Anderson Movie.

*BONUS

6. Get Quaalude’d Out With Astronauts.

**DOUBLE BONUS

7. A Goat Bag Pipe

***TRIPLE BONUS

8. A Head- To-Toe Replica of The Best Outfit I Ever Wore.

****QUADRUPLE BONUS

9. To Age Gracefully.

*****MEGABONUS

10. To Lay Down Some Tracks With David Koresh & The Branch Davidians.

*****DOUBLE MEGABONUS

11. Keith Haring Boxing Gloves.

******TRIPLE MEGABONUS

14. This Tattooed On My Perfectly Sculpted Yet Feminine Tricep.

******QUADRUPLE MEGABONUS

15. Monaco in a Box.

16. A Mugshot As Tough As Jane Fonda’s (when I inevitably get collared for the gambling racket).

*******BONUS PLUS

17. To Eat Club Sandwiches On The Beach While Knocking Back Coca Lites.

*******PREMIUM BONUS

18. A First Edition Copy Of Street Car

19 … To Keep in My Panty Dropping Library.

*****BONUS DELUXE

20. To Make Easy Access Boyfriend Butt Pocket Jeans Mandatory.

******LUXURY BONUS

21.  To Finesse My Fork All Sexy Into A Slice of Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Cake.

******Relais & Châteaux PREFERRED GUEST BONUS

22. To Live Life According to This Program.

**********ULTIMATE BONUS

21. To Wake Up Looking Like Lisa Bonet.

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