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I know what the teens like and they like TikTok. At least, that’s what I tell myself while I spend hours scrolling through the app. I might be wasting my life away learning the moves to dances I will only attempt alone in my bathroom or laughing out loud to riffs on the same joke, but at least I’m not aging out of the zeitgeist. Can I define the term “e-boy”? No! But I can use the word in a sentence sometimes.

If you’re looking for something to distract you while you’re on the toilet, something to make you laugh in between emails or something to fill the emptiness in your heart, step into my 100% hand selected, highly curated, TikTok movie theatre. Maybe this is your first video, maybe this is your 69th, either way, take my hand and dive headfirst into the world of TikTok.

Today, we’re diving into the spooky side of the app. From witches to rituals to demons (mostly sleep paralysis demons, TikTok loves talking about sleep paralysis), there’s a lot of deeply funny, deeply weird and deeply goth shit going on. So put on some black eyeliner, light every candle you own and press play, let’s take a look at all of those things that go bump in the night.

Here’s a casual cryptid video to introduce you to the genre:

@masterjedirobert247#mothman♬ Mothman YMCA – thegoddessthe

And speaking of cryptids, some of them are lookin’ pretty damn good:

@snacc.buttonSomeone please tell me this trend isn’t dead #tiktoktraditions #holidayovertime #roundofapplause #howiwalk #fyp #vsause♬ vsauce time – fishie.fish

This is a daily mantra from one of my favorite people on TikTok. I’d recommend reciting this every morning to really get in the mood:

@haleyrrb♬ original sound – haleyrrb

All of the aesthetic witches left Tumblr and started creating spell videos on TikTok and I love every single one of them. I could watch these on repeat for hours. They’re soothing:

@littleriverwitchnot a very pretty spell jar, but it should do its job 🧿 #witch #witchcraft #pagan #wicca #witchtok #spelljar♬ Alice by POGO – glashards

They’re like food tutorials but with less yelling about how you’re making a steak wrong and much better music:

@wtfissteyleythe honey bit is so satisfying 😍 . Duet this if you make one! 💕 #babywitch #selflove #lovespell #lovepotion #wicca #potion #satisfying #witch♬ c ᗩ Ɩ ɱ i ñ g – aesthetic.aud1os

This is a reminder to let old ladies be witches if they want to be witches:

@crowratThis took forever please enjoy#fyp #SpotifyWrapped #wormonastring #witch♬ original sound – eddiepdoyle

And speaking of witches, if midnight rituals were also hosted by douchey club promoters, this is what they would look like:

@whorati0this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever made #pagan #witchcraft #foryou♬ Faneto – Chief Keef

Also, don’t forget to bring your moonshine to the moon ritual:

@lesby.onixLive from the bog 🧟‍♂️ making moon water 😆 #witchcraft #witches #witchy #fullmoon #gayboy #pagan♬ original sound – lesby.onix

How’s your salt circle looking? You might need to strengthen that baby for this one:

@heteronegativeAn unexpected guest may have actually been summoned..♬ Freddie Dred Opaul – axel_devine

Try and remember to keep the noise down for the demon living in your house:

@officiallydivinityThis is my life now 🤣😂🤣 I’m deada** making vids no one is watching 🥴 #foryou #fyp♬ Hey! What? – iambannd

Although, sometimes these spirits are more afraid of you (or Zak Bagans) than then you’re afraid of them:

@theangeloceanaIn honor of me binge watching Ghost Adventures for the last 4 days #ghosts #paranormal #fyp #foryou #foryoupage #zakbagans #ghostadventures♬ original sound – cherdleys

This is a video of my new boyfriend:

@sticksy617Creepy things at 3:03 AM 😱 (credits to creepsmcpasta) #ironic #meme #foryou♬ Credits to Creepsmcpasta on YT – sticksy617

And this is a video of my other new boyfriend:

@davisboyy57I suppose his dreams #duet with nicholashadden #greenscreen #funny #foyou #foyoupage #comedy #funnyvideo #hilarious #haha #fyp #virał♬ Believe – Cher

Welcome to hell, my dudes:

@thatbiderman2♬ original sound – thatbiderman2

Just kidding, this is hell:

@sallydarrgriffinI got a new dish towel

♬ original sound – sallydarrgriffin