September 1: Tony Woods @ Baltimore Comedy Factory – $17 – $25

His numerous appearances on Comedy Central have earned Woods international recognition as a comedic performer. His quick wit and sharp observations make for an entertaining show.

September 5 – 7: Godfrey @ DC Improv – $20

Remember in Zoolander when Ben Stiller disguised himself like a black guy so well it almost seemed like it was another actor? Well, it was. And it was Godfrey. Since then his career has skyrocketed, appearing in shows such as 30 Rock and Louie.

September 6 – 8: Teddy Carpenter @ Baltimore Comedy Factory – $17 – $25

Yeah, he was popular in the late 80s and through the 90s but Carpenter’s back with new jokes. He’s opened for The Rick James among other famous comedians and headlined eight shows at the Aspen Comedy Festival in 1998. He’s been off the radar awhile to say the least.

September 6 & 7: Drew Carey @ Baltimore Comedy Factory – $30 – $38

This man needs no introduction. Go watch Who’s Line Is It Anyway? Do yourself a favor.

September 6 & 7: Rhys Darby @ Arlington Drafthouse – $25

Two words: Murray Hewitt. Doesn’t ring a bell? Well, Darby plays Hewitt, the boss in Flight of the Conchords, singing songs such as “Leggy Blonde.” He’s hilarious and if you don’t like Flight of the Conchords, you’re wrong.

September 7: Upright Citizen Brigade Touring Company @ Sixth and I Synagogue –$20

Come see some of the best up-and-coming talent NYC and L.A. has to offer at the Sixth and I Downstairs Stage.

September 12 – 15: Charlie Murphy @ Baltimore Comedy Factory – $25 – $33

His skits about meeting several celebrities, such as Prince and Rick James, on The Chappelle Show got him his comedic recognition. Yes, he is Eddie Murphy’s brother, which definitely helps his fame. Since then he has toured numerous times around the country spreading his comedy love. Look for him in future movie releases and TV shows but for now, remember him for that one time he met Prince:

September 13 – 15: LaVell Crawford @ DC Improv – $30

Well, Crawford has been on just about every comedy show you can think of, which must mean something good. He’s also headlined the “Just for Laughs” Comedy Festival in Montreal and numerous other comedy festivals across the country.

September 14: The Capital City Showcase Presents The Pink Collar Comedy Tour @ DC Arts Center – $15

This tour consists of female rising comedians Erin Judge, Carrie Gravenson, Abbi Crutchfield, and Kaytlin Bailey. This show will also have special guest Jessica Brodkin performing.

September 19 – 21: Erik Griffin @ Baltimore Comedy Factory, $17 — $25

Griffin has played all of the big comedy specials on the big networks, such as Showtime and Comedy Central. His performance at the “Just For Laughs” Montreal Comedy Festival was met with fantastic reviews plus he has a recurring role on the comedy “Workaholics.” Watch out for his film, Just Like Us. (PS, he also performs September 18 at Jammin’ Java for $15)

September 20 & 21: Brad Wollack @ Arlington Drafthouse – $20

Wollack is a writer, co-producer, and regular guest on Comedy Central’s Chelsea Lately. While that dominates most of his time, he has also appeared on Jay Leno and several commercials. He has also toured with Chelsea Handler and Kevin Nealon.

September 20 – 22: Dave Attell @ DC Improv – $35

Entertainment Weekly named him one of the “25 Funniest People in America” so that’s a good sign. Attell created and hosts “Dave’s Old Porn” on Showtime and has made the performance circuit on all of the late night shows,

September 23: FOUND Magazine’s Unfinished Business Tour @ Atomic Books – Free

This comedy/book tour features FOUND magazine creator, Davy Rothbart, and his newest book, My Heart is an Idiot. He’ll tell you some outrageous life stories guaranteed to make you laugh. Brett Loudermilk and Mikah the Vipah will also be there, though they are not comedians; instead Loudermilk is a sword swallor and Vipah is a DJ. It’s guaranteed to be an entertaining show.

September 25: Funniest Celebrity in Washington D.C. @ DC Improv – $200

Come out to see some D.C.’s most famous people get up on stage and make you laugh. The ticket price may be daunting, but it all goes to charity AND it’s tax deductible!

September 26 – 28: Gary Valentine @ DC Improv, $15 – $17

You probably recognize him from his run on the popular sitcom, The King of Queens. But what you might not now is that Valentine is a seasoned stand-up comic. Like most well known comedians, he’s made appearances on Chelsea Lately (who hasn’t?). He’s been in several “alright” movies such as “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” and “Stuck On You.”

September 27 & 28: Joe Matarese @ Arlington Drafthouse, $20

His comedy is all about the weird, dysfunctional life he calls his own, whether it be his own neuroses or his daughter. Taking his life and turning it into comedy has only helped Matarese, as he has appeared on numerous radio and late night talk shows. Check out his podcast, “Fixing Joe” for a taste of his comedic style.

September 27 & 28: Kevin Nealon @ Baltimore Comedy Factory, $25 – $33

He’s the kind of guy you’ve seen in a bunch of movies, but you cannot for the life of you recall his name. Well, you should know his name because he’s hilarious. Not only was he on eight seasons of SNL, but he has also been in a slew of movies, such as Grandma’s Boy, You Don’t Mess With The Zohan, and Just Go With It. As you can tell, many of his films involve Adam Sandler, but don’t judge him too harshly for that.

Recurring Stand-up Events and Open Mics

Every First and Third Monday: 8×8 @ The Looking Glass Lounge

This variety show is hosted by Brandon Wetherbee and features 8 performers who are onstage for 8 minutes each. Performers include Sara Armour, Jia Din, Adam Friedland, Joe Kirkwood, Craig Kite, Diana Metzger, Jenn Tisdale, and Haywood Turnipseed, Jr.

Every Wednesday Night: Haha at RiRa @ Ri Ra Irish Pub, Free

10 local stand-up comedians perform, each for 3 to 10 minutes. But it doesn’t end there. Stay for “Everyone’s A Comedian” afterwards where anyone from the audience can tell a joke. The funniest joke gets $25 and a t-shirt.

Every Wednesday: Wonderland Wednesdays @ The Wonderland Ballroom, Free

Head to the Wonderland Ballroom every Wednesday night to see some great FREE comedy. Each show has a regular comedian. The first Wednesday features Haywood Turnipseed Jr (Highway Robbery), the second Wednesday is Linsay Deming (Church Night),the third Wednesday is Adam Friedland (Funny Moms), and last, but certainly not least, is Christian Hunt (The Wonderland Circus).

Every first and third Thursday: Porkchop Volcano @ Arlington Drafthouse – $5

Get ready for some short form (and hilarious) improv that’s all about audience interactions and suggestions.

Every Thursday Night: Cool Cow Comedy Showcase @ Arlington Drafthouse, $5

Join Rahmein Mostafavi and three of the area’s best comics for an hour of comedy, food, and drinks. Plus, it’s only $5.

Every Thursday Night: Open Mic Night @ The Comedy Spot, Free

Comedians of all ages and experience levels are welcome to try their hand at stand-up.

Every Thursday Night: The Laughing Buddha-ha-ha @ Topaz Hotel Bar, Free

10 local stand-up comedians perform, each for 3 to 10 minutes. But it doesn’t end there. Stay for “Everyone’s A Comedian” afterwards where anyone from the audience can tell a joke. The funniest joke gets $25 and a t-shirt.

First Friday Night: You, Me, Them, Everybody @ The Wonderland Ballroom

A comedy talkshow/lovely podcast hosted by BYT’s own Brandon Wetherbee. Guests include Haywood Turnipseed, Jr., Dana Bell, and Adam Friedland.

Every Friday Night: ThreeGuysOn presents The Final Draft @ Arlington Drafthouse, Free

The guys from the ThreeGuysOn podcast come to the Arlington Drafthouse and perform their best comedy material. It’s a free comedy show!

Every Friday and Saturday Night: The Blue Show @ The Comedy Spot, $10

Improv games by local comedians for adults only.

Every Saturday Night: Laugh Riot @ The Hyatt, $10

10 local stand-up comedians perform, each for 3 to 10 minutes. But it doesn’t end there. Stay for “Everyone’s A Comedian” afterwards where anyone from the audience can tell a joke. The funniest joke gets $25 and a t-shirt.