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I’ve known Lane Moore (in an internet capacity) for a few years now, and she’s always struck me as the physical embodiment (or, digital embodiment due to aforementioned primarily internet friendship) of total posi-vibes. So it was surprising to me, then, when she got super personal in her new book, How To Be Alone, and described moments of hardship from her past; if I hadn’t read about them, I’d  never have known they’d come to pass. But that’s essentially the core of the book, and the essence of Lane – don’t let your circumstances dictate your future – only you can decide the person you want to be. Of course, Lane makes it look almost easy if you consider all the rad things she’s accomplished thus far (for example, in addition to this book, she’s got her own band, she’s the host of the wildly popular show Tinder Live…the list goes on forever), but there is something to be said for looking at solitude not as a condemnation, but as a platform to examine yourself on a profound level – there are few things more powerful than truly knowing oneself, and Lane is certainly a shining example of that.

WOW WOW WOW PHILOSOPHICAL! In plain English, you should check out the book, and internet-eavesdrop on a digital Q+A I recently had with Lane to find out about her process, the experience of sitting down to write such a personal narrative and more:

First off, congratulations! I know the book has only been out for a week, but have you received any interesting and/or unexpected feedback so far?

Thank you. Yeah, I’m getting tons of emails and DMs and tweets with people saying How To Be Alone has made them feel seen for the first time and is helping them heal, and it’s blowing my mind in the best way, because that’s a huge part of why I wrote it. (Even though it was very painful to write.)

You’re always super duper busy, so I’m curious to know how you went about writing How To be Alone in the first place. Was there a moment of inception that stands out in particular where you said, “Right, this is the concept, I’m doing it!” 

I’d known I was going to write books since I was a little kid, and had always always had it in the front of my mind, so it was just the timing of someone finally saying “Yes this is the time we’d like you to do it now.”

And when you finally sat down and began writing the book, did you have a routine or any daily rituals that you tried to stick to that you found helpful?

Nothing rigid. I’m very intuitive with my writing process. I write when I want to, which is most of the time, what I want to, whatever I need to say, wherever I think is best for that day. I think one of the perks of being alone for most of my life is I know myself very well, because I had to.

Also, you write about a lot of very personal things, which is so rad, but I imagine that can be very draining. What sorts of things (if any) did you do (or try to do, anyway) to recharge throughout?

I’m still working on that because it was brutal, especially because I didn’t have the support system I wish I’d had during writing the book. But I did have my dog Lights, and she helped me so much. Taking breaks to cuddle with her or take a nap with her (or try to, because I’m bad at naps) was so so helpful.

What was the most enjoyable part of writing this book? And can we expect another from you in the future?

I think the most enjoyable part is getting to the point in your writing where you’re like “Holy shit this is fucking awesome. If I didn’t write this, this would be my new favorite book. I did it!!!” which feels so great, because you spend so much time being like “But also should I just throw this away because is this even good?” Getting to that “It is!” point is the best feeling.

Finally, aside from this major accomplishment, what else are you working on at the moment that you’re excited for and/or want to talk about?

Oh yes! My band It Was Romance’s next record is coming out soon and it’s sounding so amazing, and I co-wrote a single with a producer for a musical side project I’m so excited about and that’ll be out soon. I shot episodes of some of my favorite TV shows, so those will be out soon, I’m doing a Tinder Live tour in January that’ll have about 25 tour dates, I’m starting to shoot a feature film soon, which is a literal dream. And you know, maybe find love or whatever. Haha.

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