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Last week Eater reported about a new bar in Dupont Circle opening New Year’s Eve called Dive. It does not appear to be a joke.

Here’s what you need to know about Dive based on the Eater article:

-It will offer $7 16 oz PBRs.
-It will $225 bottle service.
-Guitars will be on the walls.
-Guests can play the guitars on the walls.
-“Upon arrival, customers are handed branded guitar picks and a ukulele to create mini bands at their tables.”

Based on the photos, Dive is a new, clean bar.

Dives are not new or clean. The majority of dive bar owners and employees are not proud of the dive bar categorization. They view themselves as neighborhood bars, places that serve their residents at reasonable prices that make them feel at home. But Yelp exists and people search for dive bars, not neighborhood bars, so the unfortunate term has grown exponentially in SEO and popularity. No bar can be an intentional dive.

So, is the upcoming Dive bar a real bar? Is this sincere or are we unwittingly participating in a Bar Rescue or some other bar/restaurant makeover show? Only time will tell.

If it is real, why does it exist? Is it supposed to scratch the nostalgia itch? The place will have dishes named after Jerry Lee Lewis, Bruce Springsteen and Fleetwood Mac, so is the target audience in their 60s? 70s? If so, what AARP member wants bottle service?

Is it for people like me? People that drank PBR in the early 00s because it was the cheap beer? We drank PBR because there were $1 beer nights at bars and you could get a 30 pack of PBR for the cost of another cheap beers 24 pack. A decade later, why would we spend $7 to drink the cheap beer if it’s not the cheap beer?

Is it for the newly legal drinking age? What 21-year-old wants to spend $7 on PBR? What 21-year-old wants to eat a flat bread named “Coachella” or “Woodstock?”

Is this an attempt at nostalgia or a re-imagining of a dive or some club concept that’s just over my head? This place is no one’s glory days. Dive bars can not have bottle service so it’s not nostalgia. Cosplay is about the fantastical, not the everyday. What is this? Who is this for? Am I crazy? Have I been to a dive bar? Does The Raven exist? Have I ever been to a bar? What’s a restaurant? Is this a press release for Dive? What are we doing?

I am not crazy.

Dive is going to open on New Year’s Eve in Dupont Circle. The Dive bar will have bottle service and a guitar on the wall you can purchase for $1,450. This is our reality. This is something D.C. residents will have to explain, even if they never step inside Dive.

Like it or hate it, people use sites like Yelp when they travel. Due to this place’s name, Dive will appear at the top of the list when people search dive bar + Washington, D.C. This is what people will think of when they think of what dive bars are in Washington, D.C. This is why they hate us.

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