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BOO, I said!

Happy Halloween, boogeypeople, it’s your pal El Chico Cesar, of I, Queue Genius fame, back for a spell to tell you about movies in my queue that have scared the dying nightlights out of me since I last wrote about scary movies that scared the living daylights out of me (see 2-year-old-yet-still-amazing Top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time list).

Without further noise, I present, 6 Films That Will Scare the Merde Out of You (and a Wonderful Little Vampire Film)!

[Rec] (Spain, 2007). So there was this delicious little gem last year in the movie theaters called Quarantine which managed to make me bite my shoulder in fear. It was good ya’ll, real good. BUT as awesome as that film was, I HAD to get my morbid little mind on the original. You see, like a number of great films of recent memory, Quarantine was but an American remake of an awesome European film. [Rec], having taken a cue from the 90’s-famous Blair Witch Project is a low-budget little scarefest about a young TV reporter in Barcelona who follows a group of firefighters on an assignment that takes a turn for the worse. And, oh mother, does it take a turn for the worse! A quick-moving unstable lens, allowing us to take part in the story, sets up the tension so high, that the final horrific image will leave you wishing you had never uploaded the film into your movie queue. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE HOME ALONE AT NIGHT.

 

R-Point (South Korea, 2004) What happens when a South Korean base in Vietnam receives a radio transmission from a platoon that was presumed dead during the war? Trust me, duders, you will have to find out for yourselves. As a squad sets out to find the missing soldiers on a sad little island called R-point, some mad madness begins to happen. Like most horror films from the geniuses in Asia, R-Point artfully and scarily blends history, folklore, modern commentary and some of the most kickass visuals to create a film above anything in its genre. Call R-Point a thriller or call it a ghost story. Whatever the case, get ready to call your mom and tell her to come over and keep you company, cause this shit is intense!

The Last House on the Left (USA, 2009) Oh man, oh man, oh man, I love a movie that makes me wince in horrific disgust and pain. What makes this awesome remake better than the silly orginal (yes, I said it, some originals are shittier than their remakes) is the level to which the violence is taken. And while I am ain’t no fan of violence in real life, The Last House on the Left makes for an amazing argument as to why criminals should never fuck with people. In a dastardly delicious move, this golden nugget of a gore film turns the tables around by transforming the victim into the predator. Utterly awesome and utterly creepful.


The Strangers
(USA, 2008) Whadahfah, you say, Liv Tyler in a horror movie?! OH, HELLS-TO-THE-YES, I say! Live Tyler is in a horror film and this shize is scarytimes! When a young couple decides to spend the weekend at their family’s isolated home in the middle of nowhere, they embark upon some of the most shit-inducing creepouts this side of the Atlantic. What makes The Strangers so deliciously creepy is that the villains are neither supernatural nor egregiously over-the-top. Tension and fear is created by simple but fast movements and a very very quiet soundscape. The Strangers is a solid horror flick about what happens when some good people get stuck in a very very bad place. BOO-HOO.

Ils (France, 2006). Set in the beautiful but scarily ancient looking countryside of Romania, Ils (Them) adopts a plot very much like The Strangers, except the victims seem to inhabit abilities beyond human, which we come to find out is due to some seriously smart homicidal planning.

Eden Lake (UK, 2008). Yes, there’s an English-language European movie with the same formula as the previous two. This time the couple is terrorized near an English lake. Queue up these three amazing gems and you will never want to set foot in the countryside again, let alone with Europeans. I’m scared!

Lat den ratte komma in (Sweden, 2008). Don’t be fooled by future remakes my friends (American copycat in production now). While Let The Right One In may not neatly and categorically fall into the horror film genre, this amazing story about two young kids who meet while living in a working class suburb of Stockholm will become one of your favorite films ever. Shit ain’t scary, but this shit is amazing. Oskar is a quiet boy who is picked on by his classmates. Eli is a young girl who moves into his apartment building. What happens then is the stuff of great movies. Let the Right One In casts a searing light on the age-old institution of vampires by focusing on the simple and heartbreaking story of a young boy and his new friend.

That’s it, my bloodsucking friends. By the by, I went to see Paranormal Activity a couple of weeks ago. All I have to say is UNHOLY SHIT! I don’t know if the movie was scarier because I was raised Catholic or because I no longer practice!

And finally, one word: ANTICHRIST!

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