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Man about town Steven Place scored an interview with Arjun and Eric (aka Ricky Reed)- the duo that comprise the nasty-to-the-core dance funk band Wallpaper I was really jealous- because, well, I want to have Ricky Reed’s love child and an interview would’ve allowed me to skillfully extract information that could benefit me in my quest.

Anyway, you probably need to go to the Wallpaper show tonight at U Hall.

Passing the mic to Steven…

    Where are you guys at right now?
    ARJUN: We are in Miami right now.
    How is it down there?
    It’s pretty nice. Very warm. You walk out side and get smacked in the face with heat.
    Are you guys excited to come to DC?
    Oh yea, definitely. We played in DC once before and it was so surprising that there were so many people that were down with Wallpaper and knew all the words and stuff like that.
    *Eric comes back from jog*
    Eric is actually back now. He’s sweating like a wild animal.
    How was your jog?
    Really fast.
    I’m sure that Miami heat is pretty rough.
    Yea, there are also little tiny lizards scurrying around—it was weird.
    I’m impressed that you are able to work out on tour. I don’t think I could do that.
    Well, the only reason I am working out here in Miami is because last night, I wasn’t even hungry, but I had Scott order a massive amount of Cuban food. We had like Cuban sandwiches and fried plantains, so I’m trying to stay on top of it.
    I tried the Subway Cuban sandwich the other day and I wasn’t that impressed. It’s not like the real thing.
    Oh my god, Arjun, they do have a Cuban Subway sandwich. Oh man, we were talking about that last night.
    Do you guys have any other favorite foods you like to eat on tour or just in general?
    We get a lot of Mexican food on tour. That’s kind of a tour staple. I think that in general we splurge for food that we really like or something special that the city has to offer. For example, we still haven’t been to a place called Ben’s Chili Bowl.
    Yea, you have to go to Ben’s.
    Yea, we gotta do that. But, when we’re not eating stuff like that we are eating the cheapest possible sustenance just to keep alive. We went to Subway the other day and they had $4 foot longs. So it was like no matter what I was getting a $4 foot long. I guess what I’m saying is you won’t catch us throwin’ down at TGI Friday’s while on tour.
    Well you’re in luck because Ben’s in right down the street from U-hall so you’ll be able to check it out.
    Oh, awesome.
    So, Arjun was saying that you guys have played in DC before, are you excited to come back?
    I’m so excited. Our last show was like 30 people or something but the people that were there were not like the walk through crowd, or a regular electro party, or another band’s crowd, so we had 30 people there just to see Wallpaper—it was a Monday night—and people just went crazy. People were freaking out and jumping on stage, so if we have the exact same experience as last time we would be happy. We had Monday last time, now we’re on Tuesday. We’re slowly getting one day closer to Friday with each show we do in DC.
    I feel like a huge part of the experience of seeing Wallpaper is for your awesome and energetic live shows. As performers, what for you guys makes for a great show?
    I would say a huge thing for us is when people know the words to the songs—especially the songs without music videos. You know, when people have actually listened to the record and they are excited to hear everything. Because, we’ve done shows were there is a huge crowd on a big dance party night and the crowd is all dancing and rocking out—with like 500 people there—but they could care less who is playing and they aren’t really paying attention. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad place to be playing in front of a big crowd, but people between songs are just kind of quiet and like…
    Standing around.
    Yea, yea and when people jump on stage it’s cool and when people do the hip-hop hands, or when we see people engaged in like near intercourse on the dance floor.
    Roughly how many kids do you think have been conceived as a direct result of Wallpaper shows?
    I heard there is a fledgling sex-core scene in Southern California? Is this true? Someone was telling me about a group called Brief Case Scenario who is apparently one of these bands.
    That’s crazy! That would be the next step though. I have been wondering what the next level is. People can only dance for so long before they pass out. Maybe the new thing should be having shows where people just do it.
    Have you heard of this, Arjun? Sex-core? That’s pretty gnarly.
    Getting back to your music videos, they have all been pretty popular online and are all pretty wild, how do you guys come up with your ideas for videos and what is come of the creative impetus behind the video process?
    I think that with the music videos we get that footage from all around. It’s like me, Arjun, and whoever is drinking will sort of put our heads together. But with the video vlogs we just kind of improvise and edit those into the funniest way possible.
    I won’t take up any more of your time, so I have just one last question. Your latest single is called T-Rex—and I apologize if this is the first time you are hearing this—but apparently the Triceratops was never actually a real dinosaur. Have you heard about this?
    Wow. I heard something about how there was some scrutiny about the Triceratops going on, but that’s sad. Wasn’t it something like the guy who was putting the bones together found the heard in one place and then found the body like a thousand miles away?
    Yea, how do you fuck something up like that? I feel deceived.
    I don’t think that was a mistake.
    I think homeboy was like, “Let’s bring this dinosaur shit together. Oh, this would look fuckin’ siiiiiick!”
    Like Napoleon Dynamite or some shit and he was like, “All I need to do is find a short fat three ton dinosaur body to go along with this three pronged dome piece!”
    He probably drew flames on the side the first time he built it.

Let me repeat: you probably, definitely need to go to the Wallpaper show tonight at U Hall.