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The problem with being a smartass, and apparently the “most efficiently
verbose person [Svetlana has] ever met” is that when you are a
smartass and attempt to hijack an art-fart posting about an art-fart director
you get tasked with writing about the subject of your hijack. Here
goes:

Why I liked Marvin Zindler
by Michael

Marvin Zindler recently died of cancer because he had it and cancer is
bad. He was 85 years old and lived in Texas. He was a reporter.

One time Mr. Zindler got beat up by a Sherif in Texas because the
Sheriff liked to go to a whorehouse and Mr. Zindler got the whorehouse
closed because he did not like the whores. This was the Chicken Ranch. The
Sheriff liked the whores though so he got mad and broke Mr. Zindler’s
ribs.

Another guy wrote a story about it and then another person made a
musical about it. Then another person wrote a movie about it and called it
“The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.” This movie had the coolest dude
ever in it: Burt Reynolds who had a bitchin Trans-Am with a big eagle on
it. The Eagle is the national bird of the USA. I do not think there
is a national car of the USA but if there was it would be a bitchin
Trans-Am.

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Another person was in the movie and she had big boobs. Her name is
Dolly Parton. She still has big boobs. She also has an amusement park that
she named after herself called Dollywood. Dolly gives some people wood
because of her bodacious ta-tas. She also sings some songs.

A lot of times when we were kids me and my friends would get $5 from
our parents and go to Six Flags Over Georgia which is also an amusement
park like Dollywood. We had season passes and would spend all day there
looking at girls and kissing them and sometimes touching their boobs on
the rides but none of them had big ones like Dolly Parton because they
weren’t old enough yet. Both of our sets of parents liked to listen to
Dolly Parton so we would hear her songs on the drives to and from the
amusement park. I don’t think that Marvin Zindler ever went to Six
Flags but he might have. He probably went to Dollywood though to tell Miss
Parton he was sorry for closing her whorehouse a long time ago but he
was probably just sorry because he got beat up about it because Dolly
Parton got really rich with the movie and did all sorts of things with
the money like open up an amusement park called Dollywood.

Burt Reynolds never opened an amusement park because all he did was
drive around in his bitchin Trans-Am and run from cops and steal beers and
sell them. He never got beat up by a Sheriff because they all knew how
cool he was.

So I like Marvin Zindler because if he never put all those whores out
of work then Burt Reynolds wouldn’t have been in the movie and then been
in other movies and drove a Trans Am with a bitchin Eagle on the hood
and the President wouldn’t have said “Dude that is SUCH a bitchin
Eagle, it should be the National Bird of USA” and instead we would have a
national bird like a Chicken or Duck or something which would be pretty
dumb.

The End.

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