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The internet recently informed me that Seth Cohen and Blair from Gossip Girl (whose last name semi-escapes me, though I feel like it could be Waldorf…) are engaged. The headlines keep trying to call them Adam Brody and Leighton Meester, but these are obviously typos. (I know a Seth Cohen when I see one.) I decided to talk to Seth Cohen about all of this digitally, and here is what happened:

Hi Seth Cohen, it’s me, Megan Burns! Seth Cohen! Seth Cohen! …SETH COHEN, IT’S ME, MEGAN BURNS!

Oh good, you can hear me now! Yeah, I’m Megan Burns! The one who used to watch you on the TV before the OC started to suck? I was the one on the other side of the screen when you were in the TV!

Obviously it is going to be really awkward. It is Megan Burns + Seth Cohen, aka a VORTEX OF AWKWARD. Anyway, I heard you are engaged. How are you feeling about all of that?

I can see you’re really excited! That’s really great that you are so excited. So like…why are you marrying Blair from Gossip Girl, though? Didn’t you watch the episodes where she’s really mean or whatever?

It’s true. I’m not even joking. And also, remember Summer? And how you un-mean’d her? Why did you give up on that? Summer was pretty cool. Is it because Blair lives in New York and you can eat all of the bagels now?

BREAD MAKES YOU FAT, SETH COHEN. But you should already know that because Scott Pilgrim.

I know it, I know you do, which is why I think you are in mega-denial. But whatever, back to your engagement. How did you pop the question?

ULTIMATUMS RULE! And so obviously Blair from Gossip Girl said YES, so like, what was your reaction at that moment in time?

For the record, Seth Cohen, the fist pump was enough detail. Please spare me the pants-less bonus times from now on, okay? But seriously, that’s great. I’m really happy for you and Blair from Gossip Girl. But again, what about Summer? Aren’t you kind of bummed you’re not engaged to her instead? Also, you’re starting to look a little pale…like, more than usual. Are you okay? Should I not have asked that thing about Summer?

Oh right, totally. Okay, well, obviously you made the right decision, maybe. Enjoy the life your rich parents and Blair from Gossip Girl‘s rich parents have made readily available to you, okay? Godspeed, Seth Cohen! Godspeed.