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I know you are well aware that Pope Benedict XVI blew through town yesterday. I also know that not all of us are fans. It’s true, as Dean of the College of Cardinals he extended the Vatican’s policy of secrecy regarding internal church investigations to criminal investigations of child sexual abuse (BBC Documentary) and as Pope opposes gay marriage, safe-sex, birth control etc… But you’ve got to hand it to the Church, they are on one hell of a PR/marketing spree. So as a farewell to PB XVI, I thought I’d throw the Pontiff a soft ball–just like the mainstream media has! First, reasons you should reconsider your distaste for the His Holiness (or love him even more) followed by an exclusive report of His White House Reception.

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1. Cause there have been WORSE Popes

John XII (937-964) was a serial rapist and a violent drunk. He ordained a ten year old priest for money, castrated and murdered a cardinal, publicly toasted to the devil, and used the papal treasury to pay off his gambling debts. Rumor has it he was killed by a jealous husband while in the act of committing adultery with the man’s wife.

Benedict IX (1033-1048) had sex with animals, dabbled in witchcraft and satanism. He sold the papacy to his godfather after someone tried to strangle him at the altar during mass.

Alexander VI (1492-1503) is known as ‘The Secular Pope’. He bought his papacy, made a killing selling indulgences (automatic passes to heaven), had an incestuous relationship with his daughter, and threw a famous orgy in the Vatican.

Paul III (1534-1549) committed incest, matricide, killed more relatives to gain control over the family fortune, and pimped out 45,000 Roman hookers.

Pius XI (1922-1939) ordered German catholics to drop their hostility toward Hitler and backed Mussolini.

Not not to mention the Popes who supported inquisitions against Jews and homosexuals.

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2. Cause There are Some Cool Things about Pope Benedict XVI

  • Pope Benedict XVI does have a pilot’s license for the papal helicopter and likes to fly from the Vatican to the papal summer residence

Click Here to Join Pope Benedict’s Fan Club

Now that you think the Pope is cool, the Vatican wants you to buy their Official Pope Visit ’08 Merch!

3. Cause He’s Not Going to be Around Forever…

Let’s face it, Benedict is 81 years old. So we better just focus on the next Pontiff. With the impending papal election I strongly urge the College of Cardinals to consider Fr. Peter Pomposello from the Archdiocese of New York (or have dueling Popes round II). At his Washington Heights parish, Fr. Pomposello started the St. Elizabeth SKATEBOARD CLUB. The shredding priest organized a competition to design the official papal skateboard, a gift from the youth of the Archdiocese of New York on the occasion of the Pope’s historic apostolic journey to New York City

Here is the winning design:

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You too can get your hands on Krystal Melendez’s sweet deck for $94.99 (Christ that’s expensive)

But it does come with:

– trucks with Maltese cross embossing and Papal gold bushings

– wheels are white with red letters that spell “Supreme”

And the runner ups designs…
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And to end our tribute to PB XVI, coverage of his White House reception thanks to Will Shaw (cause none of us would ever be invited to the Bush White House)

Will Shaw:

I’m a Protestant and I’m not particularly religious, so for me going to the White House today was more for the historical significance. I got there at 7 AM with my government ID and waited three hours as the crowd filled with local congregation members, Catholic school students, members of the media, and Bush appointees.

When Benedict arrived the crowd sang an impromptu Happy Birthday as it was his 81st birthday. Bush’s advance team also planned for the crowd to sing Happy Birthday led by an opera singer while he stood on the balcony of the White House. So the second time felt a little redundant and contrived.

Most people could only get glimpses of him when standing on their toes. We all mainly had to listen to what was going on. As the Pope began speaking an audible gasp came from the crowd. This surprised me. Either people were overcome by the spiritual symbolism of his voice or they were surprised to hear a German accent.

Overall, it was refreshing to hear a intellectual Head of State. Unlike his charismatic predecessor, Benedict comes across as old school German lecturer. He had a positive message of friendship, peace and freedom. To me it wasn’t the least bit political….which was also refreshing in DC. The politics came as we exited the South Lawn and came across Fred Phelps’ repulsive minions along with anti-celibacy protesters. After seeing these people, I was glad that the Catholics have a no-nonsense leader who overcame a Nazi youth. He won’t take shit from anyone……including pedophiles.

True: after the Pope’s speech Bush leaned over and said, “Thank you, your holiness. Awesome speech.”

Thanks Will.


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