A password will be e-mailed to you.

A while back we had this movie column which was all about movie we liked and movies we would like, and almost 3 years a go we ran this post, which, lets face it none of our readers in 2010 have read. So, SEX month and all, we’re rerunning it

Over and over Svetlana’s introductions to the musings I call I, Queue Genius have included some witty comment about how I am always talking about sex in cinema. Well, here’s a little something from me to you. Get closer. This was Svetlana’s idea! (sure, transfer the blame) She even insisted on Emanuelle.
And furthermore, she suggested I review 4 films! Here’s to my first sex-saturated and very clearly not subtle soft-core dvd review. Thanks Svetlana!( we live to purvey smut-ed)

This week in my queue, a 3-way has never been so Romantic, Brazilians do it best, Marlo Brando’s got a soft and sensitive (back) side, and Emanuelle’s gotten laid in more locations than Carmen Sandiego could ever dream of visiting!

The Dreamers (UK/France/Italy, 2003). So The Dreamers is not Bernardo Bertolucci’s best known film, try The Last Emperor, but any aficionado of film classics, Paris, or the events of the French student riots of the 60’s will appreciate Bert’s ode to the explosive decade. Oh yeah, you also get to appreciate plenty of Eva Green’s vagina. Centered around three students, one American and two very friendly French twins, this sexy little nugget romantically captures the energy of late 1960’s Paris and the point in a young person’s life when sex and exploration unleashes an army of ecstasies, fears, and doubts. With Matthew, Isobelle, and Theo, the orgies extend far beyond physical pleasure and become an expression of their yearnings, frustrations, and desires. I know what I just wrote sounds like a load of dogshit but really, the way Betolucci depicts the obvious and oh-so-European acts of sex (while making a very sensible pasta dinner with wine, for example) you are apt to accept the perhaps-fading idea that sex can be much more than pleasure, baby-making, and feeling good in the neighborhood. What I mean to say is, with plenty of vagina shots (Casino Royale’s leading lady has a trimmed hoo-hoo), flacid penises (cause hard ones would mean hardcore-porn), and more supple and firm ass than you could ever desire (male and female, please), you can get your nut off AND experience a highly Romantic (capital R) and artsy dose of film.

IQG, Please give me more sex in film that I can bring my date to because it is deemed ART! Try, The Pillow Book (France/Japan, 1996), Intimacy (France, 2001) and Swimming Pool (France, 2003).

Lower City (Brazil, 2005). I’ve written about this film before and gave it the highest praise for combining drama, suspense and some mad lovemaking into what is surprisingly a tragic and serious film about desire and human connection. Is Cidade Baixa (Portuguese, achem), a good film because the story is tight, the 3 actors are magnetizing, or the soundtrack is as gorgeous as only Brazilians could make it? Or is it because there is enough sex in the film to get you to want to hook up with some stranger via Craigslist? Whatever the draw to this film, I promise you, there will be something about it for which you will rave. I spent a year living in Brazil, at which point I came to realize that there is nothing sexier on this green planet than a Brazilian. And holy shit this film captures that. Having seen it by myself at E Street, I felt awkward for a number of reasons, 1 – what am I doing watching sex at movie theatre by myself? 2 – I could seriously sleep with that sexy thing over there right here and right fucking now and 3 – this film is actually really sad. Talk about a movie that can make you horny, sad, and elated at maximum levels and all in one sitting! When you see this film (because you have to see this film), make sure you see it with someone who won’t mind your hand on their lap.

IQG, I could seriously sleep with that person over there right here and right fucking now! Try, Burnt Money (Argentina, 2000), Y Tu Mama Tambien (Mexico, 2001) and Shortbus (USA, 2006).

Last Tango in Paris (Italy/France, 1972). I am about to reveal something to you you will find either very disturbing or very sexy, depending on your gender preference and general disposition. Ok, here goes: In this film, an aging Marlon Brando gets his “hineyhole” diddle-daddled by a young French lady. Holy shit, I know! THIS is probably Bertolucci’s most famous and provocative film; the story of a newly divorced American businessman who gets madly involved in an affair with a young Parisian girl that is based solely on sex…with rules. The sex and art meters are off the charts in this one, mostly because of the aforementioned “Brando digital penetration” and because the direction and music are astounding. This was called Brando’s best performance and he even received an Oscar nomination. I cannot think of a more provocative, soft-core “art” film that received as much praise as this did. Last Tango in Paris is always a film festival favorite, so if you’d like to enjoy it on the big screen (that means big ass and big boobs) then wait it out, or queue it up and enjoy it with your young Parisian summer intern.

IQG, I am scared but strangely curious. Try, Eyes Wide Shut (UK/USA 1999), Wild Orchid (USA, 1990) and Nine ½ Weeks (USA, 1986).

title emmanuelle

Emanuelle (Italy and various, Circa 1973 – 1989). OK, no dvd movie blog about the wonders of the flesh would be complete without talking about the mother of mainstream sex movies, Emanuelle. Many a red-eyed evening was spent as a young teen in budding love glued closely and ever so intently to the television when the unsuspecting parents were tucked quietly in bed. My first exposure to Emanuelle was through Cinemax when at the ripe old age of 13 I discovered a film series the likes of which I had never experienced before. Emanuelle’s erotic and often outlandish, and shall we say, sexist escapades were nothing but bad acting, lots of tits and ass, and immeasurably ridiculous plotlines. The brave and adventurous Emanuelle (first protrayed by Laura Gemser and then by various actresses of your ethnicity of choice) found herself in dire situations, such as a slave in a Middle Eastern harem, a lost traveler in the Jungle, and a nurse in war torn Tokyo. Whatever your flight or fancy and well, fantasy, Emanuelle is there to play them out for you. She’s a mother, a wife, a cheater, a seductress, a vixen, a prude, a slave, a mistress, a dominatrix, a lesbian, a Mrs. Robinson, a reporter, a housewife, a lesbian…oh wait. Like I said before, the acting is le terrible, save for some decent turns in the more dramatic ones, but even those memories will quickly be replaced by the wah-wah music of the oh-so-cheeky sex scenes. The only blech I have about the series is that more times than not, the young buxom Emanuelle got freaky with some old, rather unattractive dudes. Nobody wants to see that!

IQG, I’ve got my favorite in this very serious, dramatic series. What are yours? Try, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals (Italy 1977), Black Emanuelle (Spain,/Italy, 1975) and Emanuelle Reports from a Women’s Prison (Italy/France, 1984).

Thank god it’s Sex month on BYT