A password will be e-mailed to you.

I’M BACK YINZ! Back with a vengeance, back with a mean streak, with a massive hunger for violence, an insatiable urge for destruction and a ridiculous need for speed! Basically, I am back with three films from the master of arthouse-blood-letting, Mr. David “Scar-Sex” Cronenberg! Ce Canadien est cray-étrange!
iqgheadercron.jpg

This week on I, Queue Genius: First, James Spader in his creepiest role ever and that’s saying somethin’, y’all!, then, Viggo Mortensen fucks up suburbia and finally, Viggo Mortensen fucks up his fellow Russians.

crash.jpg

Crash (Canada, 1996). No, bitches, I am NOT talking about the ode-to-racism that won the Academy Award a few years back. I am talking about Cronenberg’s creepy-as-shit meditation on probably one of the weirdest fucking fetishes in the history of weirdest fucking fetishes, including mine. In a bust-a-nutshell: girl meets boy, boy seduces girl, girl gets into bone-breaking car accident, boy fucks her while bleeding on the side of the road. Ok, ok, so there’s more to this fascinating film which to me is part arthouse weirdness ala Lynch and part B-movie ridicularity. Basically, what I’m saying is, what I mean is, you HAVE TO see it!

violence.jpg

A History of Violence (USA, 2005). Fast forward 10 years and Cronenberg has abandoned saggy-faced Spader and picked up Viggo “The Real McDreamy” Mortensen, who so amazingly portrays a family man with a dark, dark, past. Perhaps one of my favorite films of 2005, A History of Violence is an intensely cool and surprisingly real drama about a family trying to keep their shit together when the past comes back to haunt them with a bone-breaking vengeance. And oh, my, there is so bone-breaking in this one. Cause, well, after all, we are talking about Cronenberg, right? Rounding up this solid Hollywood cast are Maria Bello as Mortensen’s no-nonsense wife, and the seriously good Ed Harris as a creepy shaded stranger with some creepy shaded moves.

eastern.jpg

Eastern Promises (UK, 2007). It’s like Cronenberg read our minds with Eastern Promises cause after A History of Violence, we wanted more, more, more, and we liked it…or something like that. Viggo is back and this time Viggo is Russian, a cool Russian, a dangerous Russian, a cool/dangerous Russian just trying to play the cards he was dealt, a Russian with a dirty past, trying to walk a straight line. But wait, folks, this is a Cronenberg film, not some bad-guy-turns-good crap. Naomi Watts plays a London midwife who unknowingly infiltrates a notorious crime cartel to avenge the death of a young girl. Enter Nikolai, Viggo’s most fascinating character to date, yeah, fuck you, Aragorn, and what you got is a Grade-A 100% drama with a perfect blend of violence, story and mood. Oh man, guys, Cronenberg is good. And Eastern Promises is as good as Cronenberg gets. And that’s REALLY GOOD. Я обещаю!

IQG, now that you’ve basically jerked off to Cronenberg movies, what else Cronenberg can I jerk off to? Try, M. Butterfly (USA, 1993), Naked Lunch (Canada, 1991) and The Fly (USA, 1986).

Next week on I, Queue Genius: Somebody should wash my mouth out with soap…assholes.

X
X