Hello! According to my notes, it is the 73rd day since I went into social isolation. I live in Brooklyn by myself, and even though I’d consider myself an introvert, MY BATTERIES ARE FULLY CHARGED! I AM READY FOR HUMANS!
That said, I understand the seriousness of the situation, and I only leave my apartment exactly once per week to buy a six-pack of beer and eight (yes EIGHT) candy bars (usually Paydays and Snickers) from the bodega downstairs. UNTIL two weeks ago, which is when I did my first trip to the supermarket since lockdown began. (I saw the writing on the wall back in February, so I gradually stocked up shelf-stable/frozen foods, which allowed me to avoid top ups for a while.)
When I went for that first time, I was COMPLETELY stupefied. Like, despite having written out a list, my whole body was short-circuiting trying to figure out what I was doing. In spite of having loads of choice, I stuck to the bare necessities (oats, rice, eggs…the bleakest pantry staples, because that’s what I’ve grown accustomed to), and when I walked out of the shop, I felt like Ralphie in A Christmas Story after he realizes he asked for a fucking lame-ass football instead of an official Red Ryder, carbine action, 200-shot, range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time. There were so many more interesting, better options! What the fuck, brain!
So you’d think that when I went back on Sunday, with a comfortable fourteen days’ distance between that first blunder, I’d have done marginally better. But what do I have to show for it? Kelp granules, dried beans and a four-pack of PBR “Stronger Seltzer”, something I didn’t even know existed, but for whatever reason decided to impulse purchase.
There were two flavors available: Wild Berry and Lime. I chose Wild Berry, although, upon mild reflection, I feel like Lime would’ve been better? But also, after (having posted to social media that this was indeed a thing I had bought) my friends all asked “HOW WAS IT?!”, I realized that I have no fucking idea, because my standards are so warped by this goddamn virus.
On the one hand, it was alcoholic seltzer. 8% ABV at that. And like, yes, we stan.
But on the other, what even was the taste? It definitely felt chemically to me, but also I didn’t even care? Like, if it’s intox dot com, just kind of sign me up at this point.
It is like the sweatpants of booze, is what I’m saying; comfortable and functional, but you look like a real lowlife drinking it. And because of the current state of things, that’s like, totally acceptable and fine?
(Side-note: I skulled a can and put Matthew Wilder’s “Break My Stride” v. loudly on repeat, which is sadly one of the bigger highlights of this entire quarantine experience for me. Like, READ THAT SENTENCE. Also, Matthew Wilder, I have so many questions. Has anyone told your tales of mystery in a best-selling book capacity yet? Can I have that job if possible?)
Right now you might be going, “What even was the point of this post, Megan? I feel you’ve told us NOTHING.” To which I’m replying, “I mean, yeah, because I REPEAT, this is DAY 73 of me being along with my own thoughts! NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!”
But also, thank you for reading. (I really miss people and things.)
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