A password will be e-mailed to you.

As with many good stories (or perhaps I should just say “stories”) this one started with a press release. The announcement of Dyllan’s Raw Bar Grill‘s (it’s a mouthful) new Bellini garden kicked my brain into gear. D.C. has rosé gardens (thanks, Whaley’s / Commissary!), we have a Bellini garden, but why stop there? Why are we putting booze in gardens? Why aren’t we expanding? This is a whole new world of sponsorship opportunities and Instagrammable moments and signing away your life via a waiver! It’s 2019. Why aren’t we pushing it to the limit?

Below are my ideas for booze themed locations that would be much better than a rosé / Bellini garden. And by better I mean dangerous. And by dangerous I mean heavy metal. Let’s reach hands across America and convince a brand to do at least one of these things. We can do this.

Fireball Fire Pit

Gather around the fire and pour some fire down your throat. We’re talking Fireball infused s’mores. Fireball infused hot chocolate. Fireball infused hot dogs. Fireball infused kebabs. Fireball infused corn on the cob. Anything you can comfortably cook around the fire can be infused with Fireball. As a side note, have you looked at Fireballs’ Instagram page lately? It is… a look.

Campari Splash Park

Just don’t wear a white bathing suit! That deep red apéritif is definitely going to stain. I propose we empty the Yards Park splash park (of both children and water) and fill that sucker to the brim with this bitter, refreshing summer nectar. Enjoy a Negroni while you float in a pool of Campari. Enjoy a Campari soda while you float in a pool of Campari. Stick a straw in the pool and just drink straight Campari if that’s what you’re into. The Campari splash park is for everyone (who can legally drink).

Absinthe Zoo

Someone get the Leopold Brothers on the phone. Someone send me Pernod’s email. D.C. needs an absinthe zoo. Can you imagine the combined joy that absinthe and wild animals would bring the people of the DMV? Let’s get the National Zoo in on this one, the only thing I want to do this summer is get drunk with the green fairy and hang out with an otter.

Fernet Escape Room

Because you will definitely want to escape the hangover you’ll have the next day! Okay, enough jokes, let’s get serious. You start the Escape Room off with a shot of Fernet and are given another shot after you solve a clue. There is no water. You only get water if you solve all the clues and escape the room. If you don’t solve the clues you have to finish an entire bottle of Fernet alone. It’s part activation, part torture. This will trend for sure.

Bourbon Trampoline Zone

Nothing pairs better with bourbon than bouncing up and down for hours. Your stomach won’t churn at all. You will not want to throw up. You will feel happy and healthy and young again. Nothing is going to go wrong.