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By Allison Lane. Hear Allison Wednesdays 12 -2 on The Cristina Payne Show and Fridays at 1pm on GTFO at listenvisionlive.com.

Like everyone else, I want to feel good. For some reason, I’ve associated feeling good with looking fit.

Inspiration – Serena Williams’ ass.

Omg. I can’t even.







My obsession with her butt is so real it inspired me to go the gym and get a gym membership. I had a gym membership for about a month and nothing happened. You would think after a month of having a membership, I would see some definition. Nothing.

Here’s the kicker about gyms –  you can get a membership but what they don’t tell you is that you have to go there.

There should be a disclaimer in the contract I signed and didn’t read. In all fairness, there probably is a disclaimer about results varying and what not.

Not only do you have to go to the gym. You have to do things.

There’s so many gad damn amenities. I swear people say they’re going to the gym and they’re getting massages and drinking bomb ass smoothies – because that’s an option available to you as a fitness option.

You can just go there and sit in the sauna. I tried that. You sweat. You feel amazing. It does nothing for your ass but make you sweat which can be too much of a good thing if you’re not careful.


Sweat does not equal work. There are levels to this shit.

Here’s how I think this shit might work. There are plenty of things at this gym to make me feel good. There’s actually a Saturday afternoon twerk class that I really like. I just don’t have the time to take it. It’s easy to twerk when you’re drunk. It’s incredible difficult to do when you’re hungover.

In the end here, I realize I’m doing it wrong. So I turn to the only thing I trust. My app store.

I think for this gym thing to work, you need to find things that you like doing and find some constructive way to make it a work out. For example, I really want to punch someone in the face and also be sexy while doing this. That’s the only thing that’s going to get me to the gym regularly and back on the the road to Serena Williams booty town.


There are two apps that I’m using to make this gym thing work for me.

The first is MindBody Connect. MindBody Connect will find something for you using a few key words such as punch, face, and booty. Let me find out there’s a yogalates stripper tae bo class. Swag.

My second favorite to skip all the bs and just do a Serena Williams workout using Nike+ Training Club. Serena Williams has a 15 minute core power workout plan that kicks your ass. The great thing about this app is that it provides you with several amazing female athlete fitness muses to get yourself together.

The gym, like your favorite bar, is truly a feel good spot.  Just like at the bar if you over do it, you’ll leave light headed and feeling like you might puke. But if you do it right, all of your friends like Serena Williams are there with the intention to feel good as well.

One of the most important parts about sucking less is feeling good. This post was written in the gym locker room using gym wifi. Ergo having read this you can say you were at the gym today too. We’re all one step closer to sucking less.