We will not make fun of Honey Boo Boo, a 7-year-old little girl, because we’re not a bunch of animals. We will not endorse her show, life and merchandising offshoots because we’re not yet numb to beauty, pain and other emotions. We will acknowledge her cultural impact. We will find the silver lining in the rise and inevitable fall of Honey Boo Boo. Child.
If you’re not familiar with Honey Boo Boo, name on birth certificate Alana Thompson, mom June (she’s the person late night hosts say looks like a thumb), Toddlers & Tiaras or Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, let us explain. Alana was featured on Toddlers & Tiaras and said, “Honey boo-boo, child!” a lot and her mom said weird shit and then they got their own spin-off called Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It’s crazy successful in the ratings (The Halloween special had 3.1 million viewers. Mad Men’s most viewed show had 2.7 million viewers.), critics hate it (The show has a 2.5 out of 10 ranking on IMDB) and bad comics makes fun of the family because they’re easy targets. If you’re looking for an excellent intro piece to this chapter of pop culture history, read Gawker’s August 2012 article on the phenomenon.
The cons of this television show are obvious. The pros aren’t. Let’s accentuate the positive. There are silver linings. Playbook.
Silver Lining: A Book Publisher Will Make Money
Honey Boo Boo is coming to town to publicize her new book, “How to Honey Boo Boo The Complete Guide on How to Redneckognize the Honey Boo Boo in You.” This book will do well. It’ll help fund a bunch of books from not as well known authors. Blockbuster books and movies and records help fund the lesser known works.
Silver Lining: A Better Relationship With Your Parents
“Is that you Jeremy! Jeremy, you haven’t called in so long!”
“Well, I just watched a family on television that made me happy you didn’t put us on television. I love you, mom.”
“Oh, Jeremy! Come home! People in the city are scary! Anyways, have you seen Honey Boo Boo? I just love Honey Boo Boo!”
“I have to go.”
Silver Lining: Go Go Music
Honey Boo Boo drinks “go-go juice.” This reminds us of go-go music.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MXjuuNr8Uk
Silver Lining: Diabetes Awareness
Go-go juice is pure sugar. Hopefully Honey Boo Boo stops drinking it before she needs to monitor her blood sugar levels.
Silver Lining: Confidence
Honey Boo Boo is successful because she’s confident. She’s also 7 and may come to realize her confidence isn’t actually confidence but some sort of non-emotion children under 10 have, but whatever. She’s inspiring! Right? Maybe she inspired a depressed kid to embrace flaws.
Silver Lining: The Thompson Family Has Love And Pride
No Need For A Silver Lining Because It’s Just Awesome: Pretending To Fall Asleep On CNN
Fuck you, Dr. Drew. I’m tired.
PS: I hate my fans.
We’re becoming fans. We’re still not endorsing destructive eating habits or poor dental hygiene or beauty pageants for children, but we’re starting to see the Honey Boo Boo light.
and one for the road. PREACH: