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Football season kicks off Thursday, which means it’s time to get serious about game days and seriously excited about happy hours. Those who don’t like football, understand football, or are just tagging along to the bars because you feel it’s your responsibility as an American to find out who won the Super Bowl from actually watching it and not just scrolling through Twitter, you can get behind some amazing deals on beer and greasy food. Health nuts, beware.


Monday (because Monday Night Football exists):

Nellie’s Sports Bar – Sure, beer is great, but pairing it with a burger is even better. Starting at 5 p.m., grab a half-priced burger from Nellie’s on U Street.
Lou’s City Bar – But, if you’re hungry before 5 p.m., you can get half-priced burgers from 11:30 a.m. – 7 p.m. at Lou’s located a ½ block from the Columbia Heights Metro station. And if you’re dragging along friends that don’t like football, every Monday starting at 7:30 p.m. is Trivia Night. Ask me how much D.C. loves trivia.
Penn Quarter Sports Tavern – MORE HALF-PRICED BURGERS. Monday is apparently the night to bar-hop for burgers.
Acre 121 – If you’re a Seahawks fan, Acre 121 is the place to be any night of the week during football season as DC’s *official* Hawk’s Nest, but Monday is their Industry Night from 9 p.m. – 11 p.m. Wines by the glass, well liquors, and draft beers are all only $5 – but even better, Yuengling Tallboys are only $3.


Thursday (because Thursday night football exists):

Lou’s City Bar – If you liked the price of Monday night burgers at Lou’s, you’re going to love that they have 50 cent wings from 4-7 p.m. on Thursdays.
Black Jack – Happy hour is from 6 p.m. – 8 p.m., but the amazing thing about Black Jack is that they have an indoor bocce court. So if you like being competitive more than watching a competition, you can get drunk, ignore the game, and crush it at bocce ball. Or you can try to multitask.
Acre 121 – If you can’t make it to Acre 121 on Mondays, they have the same deal on Thursday nights – their Late Night special is from 9 p.m. – 11 p.m. So, get the daily selection of wine by the glass, well liquors, and draft beers all for only $5.
Penn Quarter Sports Tavern – If burgers wasn’t enough, get half-priced nachos.


Sunday (because God created football/concussions):

Lou’s City Bar – Lou’s has more than just food specials – on Sunday get $20 buckets of Miller Lite or Coors Light tallboys, $5 Dos Equis Ambar drafts and $18 pitchers. This will satisfy every bucket list.
Black Jack – Black Jack’s Thursday happy hour is only two hours long, but on Sunday night happy hour is all the way from 3 p.m. – 10 p.m. – which means you can play multiple rounds of bocce ball with multiple rounds of beer.
Acre 121 – Yet again, Acre 121 coming in clutch with their Late Night special from 9 p.m. – 11 p.m., where the daily selection of wine by the glass, well liquors, and draft beers are all only $5.
Penn Quarter Sports Tavern – Cheese on burgers is great for Mondays and cheese on nachos is awesome for Thursdays, but half-priced cheesesteaks is for Sundays. Talk about a touchdown. Touchdown.


Monday through Friday (because you need to meet up and talk about your fantasy team):

Nellie’s Sports Bar – Beat the Clock Happy Hour, where from 5 p.m. – 6 p.m. Miller Light bottles and vodka drinks are $3, from 6 p.m. – 7 p.m. the same drinks will be $4, and from 7 p.m. – 8 p.m. they’ll be $5. So the earlier you start drinking, the less you have to pay for drinks. I wish life worked the way that Beat the Clock Happy Hour works.
Lou’s City Bar – 4 p.m. – 7 p.m. is a weekday happy hour, $5 daily drink selections, which is great if you’re hungry AND thirsty on those days with weeknight food specials.
Acre 121 – Monday through Friday from 5 p.m. – 7 p.m. you can get glasses of wine, well liquors, and draft beers for only $5 (and the extended hours for the nights mentioned above). But! What makes this so special is that Acre 121 also has appetizer specials like two pulled pork or cheeseburger sliders for $8, a plate of sweet potato fries for $5, fried mac and cheese balls for $7 if your belly needs to smile and your bowels need to be backed up, and even more.
Town Tavern – 5 p.m. – 9 p.m. As far as beer is concerned, get $3 domestic bottles and $5 draft pints. House wine is $5 for the glass, and only spend for $4 mixed rail drinks. Select bar bites are half-off if you’re hungry.
Penn Quarter Sports Tavern – 4 p.m. – 7 p.m. they’ve got pitcher specials for a maximum of $16 (but Yuengling is only $14, and Miller Light is only $12), a well as pints, house wines, rail drinks, and Jack Daniels for no more than $5, and infused vodka for just $6.
Stoney’s – 3 p.m. – 7 p.m. you can get a specialty cocktail for only $5, rail cocktails, house wine, and Goose Island IPA is just $4, and Narragansett Tallboys, drafts of Stoney’s Amber and Shocktop is $3. But more important for the football and beer lover, the Stoney’s Black Card special will cover your first beer on NFL game days throughout the season. That’s 57 beers (!!) for $30 (!!!).