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Haiku is a noun that is the same in both the singular and plural.

However, much like when you Swede a movie, when you actively use haiku as a verb, all bets are off. Sometimes (always) the news is depressing and boring, but you know what isn’t depressing OR boring? Guessing games. So here are five haiku about some of the most talked-about news stories of the past few days. You guess what the hell I’m talking about.

Want your favorite (most awful) news story translated into an evocative and atmosphere piece of Japanese poetry? Email me .

What my performance art and entertainment group, The Haiku Guys to write original haiku at your next office party/event/festival/bar mitzvah/bachelorette? Email us.

another big bank
being forced to make it rain
but not cats and dogs

(citibank is forced to pay a $7 billion dollar settlement)

germans are coming!
first with a big shiny cup
then, Fahrvergnügen

(germany wins the world cup, then vw announces a new $900M factory in tennessee)

true – we need water
waste in the west is the worst
but too much down south

(california considers fine for water waste, and a hurricane hits the philippines)

if the trains don’t run
and no one can go to work
visit italy

(mta strikes loom in nyc, de blasio plans to vacay in italy)

darn u.s. customs
’twas the perfect souvenir
mansion for backpack

(giant african snails are found in u.s. customs in los angeles)