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With all the USA, Germany, Portugal and Ghana still in World Cup contention, all of the world is staring at Group G, the Group of Death Dandies. Here are four players that we have a hard time peeling our eyes off of, so we made a bracket based on their looks alone.

USA (Graham Zusi) v. Germany (Manuel Neuer)

With a degree in criminology, midfielder Zusi is criminally good-looking.

From the U.S. Soccer Facebook page

That hair, man.

From the U.S. Soccer Facebook page

Remove the hair, though…


Like Zusi, Neuer has grey blue eyes and a cute snub nose. I may have a type.

I like it when a man knows how to handle his Bier.

…among all joys of life.

Advanced: Germany

Portugal (João Moutinho) v. Ghana (Adam Kwarasey)

Standing at a fun-sized 5’7”, midfielder Moutinho is one hell of an Energizer Bunny.

A little stubble, however, adds a lot definition to his boyish look. And a lot of delishness.

Kwarasey brings to mind a fresh-faced Keegan-Michael Key, except minus the guy-next-door vibe.


When he tilts his head, he could look a bit douchey. Paired with his towering figure at 6’3”, this face can be quite intimidating.

Advanced: Portugal

Germany v. Portugal

Well, this is a no-brainer, since Germany had already slaughtered Portugal with a 4-0 in their first game.

Group winner: Germany


That being said, go Team USA! Better make ‘em shots so I can see Neuer duck more often.