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GA(Y)MER ALERT!!!!

princess

Gay Icon of the Week: The Princess… Princess Toadstool, Princess Peach, whatever you wanna call her.

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Why: For many, she was your first girlfriend (the “okay I’m never gonna stick it in” kind). As soon as you blew on that Nintendo cartridge and pressed “Power,” you had the ability to zone out, particularly in Mario 2, and just pretend you were the hottest, baddest bombshell who could float, dig down 300 feet of desert sand, and beat mice with sunglasses:

Seemingly, there are a number of heroines we could highlight on here. Sonya Blade from Mortal Kombat, Chun Li from Street Fighter… it’s true, I got nothin’ bad to say about my other girls. But The Princess didn’t need weapons, crazy super fast karate kicks, or even GIANT BOOBS (yeah I’m calling you out Lara Croft… BTW I told you this one might get a little nerdy). All she needed was class. Okay the tiara and ball gown didn’t hurt, either.

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Does She Rise to Icon Status: She’s been with us since the 80s and still going strong. The Princess has also seen scandal. Out of total respect, I’m not gonna put them on here. But just Google Image search “princess peach,” turn SafeSearch off and… WOOF. I’ll give you a PG13 preview:

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But let’s keep in mind this is a family column.

Most of all, for over 20 years now, she’s had chubby Italian plumbers trekking all over not just one but 8 worlds to find her, as well as huge dinosaurs kidnapping her time and time again for a taste of royalty. You know she’s just GOTTA be good at what she does.

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That caption is basically saying “You ain’t ever gonna find something better than this, so put a ring on it.” PS is she really that short, or is she about to “thank” her man? Hmmmm…

And when push comes to shove, girlfriend will take matters into her own freshly manicured, gloved hands and put those fucking goombas in their place. ALL. IN. HEELS.

Here’s to you, virtual Lady Di:

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