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Gay Icon of the Week: Merkins

If you are like me, you weren’t really sure what this “merkin” was all about until very recently. Is it the equivalent of a male Birkin?

Nope. Two words:

Vagina. Toupee.

And I know what you are thinking now. “Ryan V! How in the world could this possibly be considered a gay icon?! Think of all the gold star gays out there that just…. they just couldn’t.”

But think of it this way: How many gay men do you know? Now, how many gay men do you know that do hair? Look, I hate to generalize, but I can’t recall a single place I’ve ever been to get my haircut that hasn’t employed at least one gay guy, unless you count the mega-obese and friendly Italian guy Anthony who cut my hair when I was 6 and yelled at me when I giggled as he used the clippers on my neck. Or when I lived in Philly and the barbershop I went to once only employed guys that talked about the sole reason they lived with their girlfriends is because (insert thick Philly accent) “I mean I git-da see her tits all da time.”

He almost had a point.

Now, add up your number of gay stylists (I know, math, ugh) and BAM! That’s how many gay man are suddenly all up in vag. The merkin has done the impossible. It’s made us embrace what we never thought possible. But at the same time, it’s bringing us together, and really, isn’t that the nicest kind of gay icon?

My only complaint: they could be a little more diverse. Feathers, fur, and synthetic hair are all available, but you know what I’d really like to see them made out of?

Koosh Balls.

If that were the case…. ugh I might even surprise myself with the choices I make.

However, there are just going to be those gays that will never be able to embrace it. And no one’s going to deny that I just don’t think Xtina wants us to move into her territory, either, as she obviously made her point the other evening