Big pat on DC’s back this week. In case you’re wondering, I’m a size 7 ring, and I’d like to be proposed to in a rainstorm, eating a Crunchwrap from Taco Bell.
I know a bridezilla. Worse, her wedding isn’t until July. JULY. My ears bleed sometimes from what I’ve had to listen to for the past few months. I don’t even know her that well! But, I see her in a new light now. The possibility that I could legally become a Groomzilla is making me antsy, even to the point that I can tolerate her. So I say go ‘head, girl. Live it up. For this week at least, you’re an ICON.
Gay Icon of the Week: Bridezillas
Why: You know a Bridezilla when you see one. They got one thing on their mind, and it involves white lace, just like my dreams of Cristiano Ronaldo, how odd. ****CRISTIANO RONALDO PIC BREAK****
Bridezillas won’t let anyone get in their way. Mom suggests there might be too many attendees? Fuck her. Sister suggests a different veil? OHNOSHEDIDN’T. Groom suggests a cheaper honeymoon? I’m not even gonna go there. By the time it’s all over, she may have lost all her friends, respect, and is suffering from intense dehydration, but daaaaaamn she looked fine in the process. Um, does that sound like Celine or Madonna at the backstage of any show?
Cue Diva Pose:
Do They Rise to Icon Status? Only until the bouquet is thrown. That’s the beauty of it! You see this ego go from normal, to HUGE, then deflated when it’s over. It’s like watching Lindsay Lohan’s life in super fast forward from The Parent Trap to Mean Girls to post-lesbian relationship coke-head. Or that TRL with Mariah when she came out in that giant t-shirt and ice cream cart, the day before the meltdown.
What do you think? Now that DC is about to see diamond-encrusted cock rings all over, are we going witness flocks of Groomzillas renting out the locker room of Dupont’s Washington Sports Club for the reception?
And to the Bridezilla I know: I still don’t wanna hear about how your mom is ruining your life because no can decide on a fucking entree, but you are gonna get it when I can’t choose which Gaga song’s gonna be “our first dance together.” (Who am I kidding? Show me your teeth.)