Okay, Funny Human of the Week! Let’s go. We’re gonna meet Zach Reinert, a joke craftsman, a practitioner of the one-liner. He lived in Omaha and performed regularly with nationally touring comics and at the burgeoning Crom Comedy Festivals, and a few months ago he relocated to another non-coastal city that’s known for it’s underground comedy scene, Denver. Enough about locations though, let’s get to the jokes. There are a lot of them!
Yeaaaah! Can you believe those jokes? So strong, those jokes!
This week’s Funny Human column’s gonna be disproportionately embedded tweets, I think, because Zach’s skills as a jokewriter truly shine in this format. Let’s start here:
Roommate woke up soaked in piss. I was like maybe you shouldn’t drink so much man, that way you’d know when I’m pissing on you
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) August 31, 2014
At the doctor today they asked me if my family has a history of blood problems. I told her I come from a long line of crips, so yes.
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) September 25, 2012
Headline: girl stabbed at school, demands answers Me: whoa just cause she got stabbed doesn’t mean she gets to cheat in school
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) September 30, 2014
Dark, weird, but not mean! You know? I’m super into it, and you are too. Follow Zach on Twitter, you goof. More jokes, more!
I think my friend’s little brother was dropped on his head when he was a baby, because he died of massive head trauma.
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) June 15, 2011
Using the tools my grandfather left me, I too can now see dead people. He left me a shovel.
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) October 16, 2014
I already have an Anchorman reboot ready. It’s a 2 hour movie about a dude we put on a big chain, throw him in the ocean and he stops boats
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) October 2, 2014
In addition to writing very good jokes, Zach also uses twitter to maintain a longstanding rivalry with the terrible trivia twitter account @UberFacts, which perpetuates misinformation and poorly interpreted statistics for the sake of fun facts.
If you put headphones in your butt hole, it forms headphones in your butt hole.@UberFacts
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) October 6, 2013
Incredible! He grew rhinos, tigers, & elephants out of trees!?.@UberFacts
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) October 20, 2013
.@UberFacts what the fuck man
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) October 1, 2014
.@UberFacts HAHAHA 69 HAHAHA
— zach reinert (@zachreinert03) October 18, 2014
He’s fighting the good fight, out there.
Okay, speaking of jokes, here’s a thing from Omaha-based video people Cat Shirt Comedy, where Zach tells the first joke he ever wrote, and then silently apologizes for it. Fun!
One last clip before we go, another short one! Soccer playing nephew. A fun slam dunk.
If you learn anything from this thing, it’s that you should be following this guy on Twitter and go see him if he’s in your town. Please! Listen to Chris Gethard!
— Chris Gethard (@ChrisGethard) November 2, 2014