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In exciting true crime news the LaBianca house (home of the other Manson murders) recently went on sale for a very reasonable $1.98 million dollars. What a steal! To jog your memory, Leno and Rosemary LaBianca were viciously murdered in their home by members of the Manson family (Charles “Tex” Watson, Patricia Krenwinkel and Leslie Van Houten to be precise) the night after the infamous murders on Cielo Drive. This is the home where Krenwinkel famously scribbled “Healter Skelter” on the walls of the house using the LaBianca’s blood. Wow Patty you had one job.

Sadly the house was just purchased today by Zak Bagans of Ghost Adventures fame (wonder who his “Realter” was). I’m sure Zak Bagans isn’t an awful person. He’s certainly not a murderer, that we know of, but his show is terrible and he is kind of a douchebag. I literally screamed in my office when the news broke that he is now the proud owner. So, here are five people who are not Zak Bagans of Ghost Adventures I wish bought the LaBianca House.

The Writers on Game of Thrones

I mean…

Zak Bagans for sure loved the last season.

Voldemort

I would rather this racist against muggles, murderer of children, snake talking, dickhead live there than Zak Bagans, who I am pretty sure pops his collar in bed and was also definitely sorted into Slytherin.

The Metro

Sure, The Metro can buy this house, but we all know it would break down six times during the move and you’d probably never be able to get the doors open anyway. It can park itself right in the driveway where the air conditioning will be questionable at best. The Metro deserves to be there in the place of Zak Bagans’ environment-ruining Hummer*.

*who knows if he has a Hummer but come on.

Drunk Texts

These texts have actually ruined lives. They have the capacity to destroy relationships, lose jobs, and end friendships. These texts deserve to move right into the LaBianca house more than Zak Bagans who is probably the kind of person who never returns a text, drunk or sober.

The Trailer for the Movie CATS

This trailer is the stuff of nightmares. I love CATS the musical and am primed and ready to hate CATS the movie, and yet I would prefer this trailer to be the next resident of the LaBianca house over Zak Bagans who let’s face it probably hates pets.

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