A password will be e-mailed to you.

Since Svetlana has a hurt leg and is in general unable to participate in the usual activities she participates in, she’ll be watching as many FALL TV premieres as humanly possible (at least one a night) and then, the morning after letting you know whether you should waste your DVR space on them. COOL? COOL. (this will be fun) -ed.

FIRST THE BASICS:

  • SHOWS: PRIME SUSPECT & CHARLIE’S ANGELS
  • STATION: NBC (10pm) and ABC (8pm) respectively (you can watch episodes 2 of each tonight!)
  • TIME: THURSDAYS
  • STARRING: Prime Suspect: Maria Bello and Aidan Quinn, Charlie’s Angels: Minka Kelly+2 other hot women
  • BILLED AS: reboots of beloved crime fighting dramas, all gussied up for 2011

BUT WHAT ARE THEY REALLY LIKE: Thursdays are a notoriously heavily populated TV real-estate (I mean, between Community, Office, and Parks & Rec, is there really room for not one, not two, not three BUT FOUR new shows to consider this Fall?). And while Whitney is bad, Person of Interest shows significant promise (plus, OH-MY-GOD is it just me or do John Caviezel’s cheekbones get sharper and his eyes get bluer as every year passes) I figured we may as well focus on the lady crime-fighting side of things. Lady being a relative term, of course.

The one thing both of these shows have in common is that they’re being remade from shows that, arguably, didn’t need remaking: Maria Bello steps in for Helen Mirren who was notoriously tough in her low heeled pumps and skirt suits in BBC’s “PRIME SUSPECT” and Minka et al replace three of the most famous feathered hair crime fighters in the history of time (ever?).

The one thing these shows DON’T HAVE IN COMMON is: EVERYTHING ELSE.


Talking about “Prime Suspect” vs. “Charlie’s Angels” comes down to essential differences: women vs. girls, NY vs. Mi-ami, Aidan Quinn vs. Latin beefcake Bosley, whiskey vs. cosmopolitans, and sadly fedoras vs. stilettos. Not that you couldn’t like both. And God knows I wanted to.

Maria Bello’s character in PRIME SUSPECT is great: she’s genuinely tough, she’s genuinely of a certain age, she’s genuinely smart. The crimes she investigates are genuinely gritty, and when she gets beat up, it’s not pretty. The show shows great promise in terms of a new, awesome crime procedural to get hooked on (now that Benson and Stabler are no longer with SVU, we’re all a little tired of Criminal Minds and Bones is not back till mid-season) with the only problem being that if they don’t get their ducks in a row, it may turn to seem like a bad NY Cop caricature: all the men are gruff, drinking whiskey out of sippy cups, Bello dresses like like a 1990s pimp (wide collar, skinny scarves, the aforementioned and phenomenally distracting fedoras) in order to fit into the boys club and every dude who ever played a cop on anything seems to be in it. But I, for one, have nothing but faith that they’ll get their shit together.

On the other hand, CHARLIE’S ANGELS seems to have almost NO redeeming qualities. It is a show that wishes it had wardrobe issues, because all the other issues it has are so out of control (and I love me some cheesy, soapy, well dressed fun). Everyone knows the basic story which involved three girls (with assorted talents) fighting crime while looking great. I’ve loved the old show as a kid, I loved the Cameron/Drew/Lucy movie remakes (yes, even the second one) and yet, I almost walked away the second we realized that Bosley in this edition is an MIT educated, washboard ab lothario with a face so expressionless, I almost wondered if it was a joke. By minute 10, I was ready to yell: MAKE IT ALL STOP! (but I didn’t since I’m here to do life-changing TV research for you)

by the time minute 44 rolled around, the cliche round-up was full: there was a Heaven & Hell party that the angels dressed up as devils for, an icy Russian genius lady, some light cat-fighting, and a millionaire-with-a-dark-secret was apprehended, and there was a celebration on Charlie’s yacht, with only the angels and Bosley and lots of cosmos. Now, none of this would be an issue, since, after all the original show was campy as hell, if this reboot had a sense of humor about itself. BUT IT DOESN’T. It takes every cringe-worthy note dead seriously to a point where jokes are not even jokes anymore, and the cast, sadly, has ZERO CHEMISTRY together. It becomes a parody of itself without even knowing. I’ll watch episode 2 just so it doesn’t seem I jumped the gun on this, but my prediction is: this one is getting canceled in a matter of week.

p.s.

let me know in the comments what shows you’re excited about/would you like to see reviewed/what you thought of these shows. Throw a hurt girl a bone, lets have some internet conversations.

X
X