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: Q: Recently, my fiancé and I combined finances. He’s pretty vocal about me not going out and buying useless purses and jewelry and stuff because we’re saving for a house. But lately, HE’S been making purchases behind my back. The most recent was a car. He told me about it about an hour before he signed the papers, so I couldn’t even say no. I mean, he makes more than me, but I am disappointed that we didn’t discuss this before. What do you recommend I do?

A: WHAT. THE F. Girl, I don’t care WHO is making the most money. A relationship, and in this case, an eventual marriage, is a PARTNERSHIP. Every decision should be discussed openly and honestly. I suggest that you sit down with your fiancé immediately and tell him everything you feel. He is not only putting you in an uncomfortable position, but also being hypocritical. Even your finest Louis Vuitton is less expensive than a car. And if he continues this behavior even after your big talk, I suggest you find a new fiancé.

Q: Hey Moe!
I was at the American Psycho party last Saturday – where were you? Anyhow – I just wanted to tell you that I was kind of disappointed. I mean, I thought I was gonna get lots of free stuff from America Apparel and seriously, there was like, one piñata. Kind of a let down. I mean, I did get my hands on a pair of xs thongs, but ahem, I have some junk in the trunk so I gave them to the bartender as part of her tip. So what’s the deal? Can BYT not keep its promises? Did they freakin’ trick me into taking a cab all the way out there? Is it just a lot of glitter with no substance?
Miss “I Don’t Wear Thongs – I Wanted A Romper”

A: Dear Ms. IDWT-IWAR,
Unfortunately, I couldn’t make the party because some issues with my puppies. But I saw the pictures and man – you guys looked fabulous. Lots of blood, lots of wigs, lots of sex. Awesome. As far as the American Apparel issue, I hear you. But believe me, BYT was not trying to “trick” you into coming to the party. We had a deal with American Apparel and really, it was just a fluke. BYT was probably talking to someone from AA who was PSYCHED and made promises that really, couldn’t be carried out. When the distributor was given the message, they were probably like, whoa, that is not realistic. We can’t give away THAT much free stuff. We’ll do one piñata and that’s it. Which, I think, is better than nothing. And sometimes, that stuff happens. But seriously, AA was just an extra perk. With or without the added glitter or cotton rompers, BYT parties are ALWAYS a great success.

Q: So I know this guy who is friends with this girl and he told her some things and she told some people and they told some people and now it’s a big gossip thing. I feel bad for everyone involved because it was really innocent – the guy just didn’t know the girl would tell the girl who would tell the girl… you get the idea. As a friend to the guy, what do I do?

A: Excellent question. This is something that actually happens pretty often. And if dealt with correctly, it won’t be a big deal at all. I suggest that you just talk to your guy friends and remind him that people like gossip and just to be more careful who he tells things to. Then BAM, it won’t happen again. Promise. And if it does… well, maybe that person isn’t as innocent as you think.