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Valentine’s Day is all about high pressure and high reward. It’s the work hard, play hard of the holidays, you get out of it what you put into it. If you hate it, you can ignore the whole damn thing and pretend it’s any other day. If you love it, you’re making those fancy restaurant reservations, stocking up on fresh cut flowers and scouring the city for the perfect gift. Whether you’re buying in or you’re doing the bare minimum, use the guide below to avoid the curse of the CVS carnations bought at 4 p.m. on the 14th. D.C. is filled to the brim with much better gifts.

And if you despise Valentine’s Day all together… You can think of this as a year round gift guide for friends, family and that one coworker you like more than your other coworkers.

++ Check out our special Valentine’s Day edition of the BYT spotify playlist, filled with love songs/ breakup songs/ and everything in between. Click here!

For if you are in a committed relationship (so much so that you know how to spell commitment, it took me three tries).

You have definitely farted in front of this person- even if it’s a best friend.

More so than farting, this is the person that you texted when you got explosive diarrhea at 1OAK. Buy a cocksucker plate for the real valentine in your life. We also recommend tickets to one (or all) of the amazing shows at our just announced Future is Festival (on sale Friday 2/7).

As the supreme goddess Emma Watson once described it – being self partnered is pretty much the best. Treat yourself.

You just started dating and Valentine’s Day is the most pressure because it’s almost too soon to get a gift, but also you want to get them a lil something something. We suggest one of the plethora of RBG cards we found around the city. Or this clearly haunted framed RBG print.

Please do not get a gift / spend any of your precious hard earned money on a human you just broke up with (or broke up with you). However, we do suggest buying a lil somethin’ somethin’ for yourself as a cathartic gesture of healing… Or you can grab the “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything” shot glasses above, and launch it through their living room window one evening.

Kidding! Vandalism is wrong! And illegal! We are absolutely not condoning it.