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WHEREIN: We bring you the developments (happening in and around DC) that we think are newsworthy, or, at the very least, almost newsworthy.

  • YOU CAN SEE THE NEW BABY LION CUBS AT THE NATIONAL ZOO STARTING MAY 9th! They’re adorable and if you don’t believe me then here watch this video. (via DCist)
  • Speaking of adorable creatures at the zoo, the National Zoo has sold four $6,000 VIP Bao Bao packages. This means that they people who bought them get to meet the giant panda cub, they get 10 VI ZooFari tickets, and five valet parking passes. If I had $6,000 to blow I’d probably shamelessly spend it on meeting the baby panda, too. (Via Washington City Paper)

panda

  • Since Sterling (the racist who owns the Clippers) released his horrendous statements, all kinds of other men in charge are getting thrown under the bus. It seems he started an epidemic of weeding out all the bigots. On a side note, I will now be applying to own the Clippers. (via Washington Times)

sterling

  • Sixty-two students from a high school in Teaneck, NJ just got arrested because they broke into their school for a senior prank, then proceeded to piss in the hallways, grease doorknobs with petroleum jelly and tape hot dogs to lockers. I’m still laughing. (via WTOP)

adele

  • Ashley Madison, the dating website designed for people already in a relationship, flaunts the tagline “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” Subtle and classy, right? Well they just released the top 10 most adulterous neighborhoods in the D.C. area so if you live in any of these I recommend you interrogate your significant other the next time they have to “stay late for a work meeting.” (via WTOP)

messedup

  • In other sad listicle news, D.C. is one of the most polluted cities in the country. Cool. (via WTOP)
  • North Korea says the U.S. is a living hell. Apparently our human rights are abused here. Just let that sink in. (via Washington Post)

kidding

  • Some dude in Maryland was trying to sell a gun that would only shoot if you had a certain watch on. He called it a “Smart Gun.” While this might be a good idea in some cases, most people just shit themselves and freaked out and it’s not being sold anymore. (via Washington Post)

jk

  •  And lastly, in commuter news, it looks like that $1.9 billion loan got approved and the Silver Line marches ever so slowly forth. (via WJLA)
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