WHEREIN: We bring you the developments (happening in and around DC) that we think are newsworthy, or, at the very least, almost newsworthy.
- D.C. drivers licenses are getting a full facelift– but don’t worry! It’ll be a gradual facelift occurring over many years, a la Joan Rivers. (Via City Paper)
- Emails leaked from a frat of American University students described rape, assault, and other crimes the brothers committed. The news came like a punt to the c*nt for one UMD sorority sister. (Via HuffPost)
- Police found a missing D.C. girl safe on Monday after her Friday disappearance. Was it the divine intervention of Easter candies? Of Snoop Bunny? Only the big guy knows for sure. (Via WTOP)
- A long-fought proposal to replace West End Library and fire station will finally happen. Now the appeals judges can tend to their hemorrhoids and see their families at long last. (Via WaPo)
- A couple of federal office buildings in D.C. will get a $70 million makeover and consolidation. Too many asbestos-stricken employees were calling law firms that advertise during Maury, and officials could not longer turn a blind eye. (Via WBJ)
- Bay grasses are making a comeback! When asked for a comment, LL Bay Grass said: “Don’t call it a comeback.” (Via WAMU)
- An MPD officer faces jail time for leaving his Glock loaded in an unlocked drawer in a home with children. Not even ‘Murica came to the officer’s defense. (Via WJLA)