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Originally published February 10, 2017

Since Valentine’s day is mere days away (is anyone BUT humans with editorial schedules to follow keeping track of this? we hope not)…

Anyway, we are buckling up this week to publish the date/get-together-with-a-person-you-are-maybe-sexually-interested-in/whatever-the-kids-are-calling-it-these-days” guides which mine our extensive embarrassing dating histories for your own benefit (and hopefully amusement).  We have done these before but they all need updates since there ARE SO MANY EXCITING NEW PLACES IN DC.

Yesterday, we handled the 2017 edition of:

and as the pressure builds and you start questioning EVERYTHING about your dating self-worth

(P.S. yes, Aidy Bryant is your guide for this guide, you’re welcome)

we are going to dive into the sacred ACTUAL FIRST DATE CATEGORY. OMG. O.M.G.

Now, this (for those of us who have become murky on the concept due to too many datehangs etc) includes going out with a human being who you HAVE met in person before, and you two mutually decided that some one-on-one time to explore your potential future of nudity and Sunday afternoon marathons of Making a Murderer/OtherBingeWorthyStreaming is in order. Something like this used to be not that big of a deal, but in 2017, it APPARENTLY kind of is, at least if we think about it the old fashioned way. It requires stringing whole sentences together, vs communicating in emojis,  consciously blocking out more than 45 minutes to spend with a relative stranger with whom you don’t know how much you have in common with, choosing outfits and more. WHO HAS TIME FOR THIS STUFF? Well, we all should. At least sometimes. FEEL ME?

Now, unlike the DATEHANG or BLIND DATE which have some pretty common sense/general safety rules to live by, for the FIRST DATE, you are much more on your own, skills wise, and each person should really be a master of their own first date game. Still, a quick poll around the reply-all email consortium we’ve set up for this came up with some of these tips/nuggets of wisdom:

Pro Survival Tips

  • ALL OF THIS INFORMATION about cleanliness, etc still stands. USE IT.
  • Be your best self, but be yourself (and make sure that that yourself is not rude, because people who are rude on first dates to anyone (including waiters, valets, and/or the other party involved in a date) deserve to never go on a first date again (and, just think of it-if they are rude to you on a first date, what will happen after they STOP trying? SHUDDER)

  • Having said that-try and avoid stupid arguments and/or uncomfortable topics (unless you thrive on this kind of stuff/the date ends up being one of those 12 hour marathon unicorn dates one sometimes hears about where hearts and souls are poured onto tables and political convictions and religion and childhood pet deaths are all fair game).
  • Showing up early is good (especially if you met this person only once before in a bar setting and you maybe had one too many martinis before engaging in a conversation with them, and while you were willing to share your contact information with them, you are a LITTLE blurry as to the fact what they look like and/or how they pronounce their name, and being there early allows THEM to find you and extend that handshake/hug thing first and say their weirdly hard name again)
  • Ordering your drink and paying for it before they show up is ok/smart – because if you are ONLY meeting for drinks, this eliminates the whole “who is going to pay for things” debate and as we know, people are sometimes cheap.
  • Speaking of cheap, it doesn’t matter that it is 2017 and we are all liberated and equal, whoever did the asking should offer to pay first, and should be ok if it ends up being that they are, in fact, footing this bill. You asked for the pleasure of this other person’s company, they, in return, trusted you enough and cleared their schedule, ironed their clothes, and you are (mentally) gearing up for a future of thoughtful holiday gifts and being able to let yourself go finally, if just a little – you should be ok with paying for some small plates and their reasonably priced glass of Sancerre at even the prospect of ALL OF THAT.
  • Having said that-don’t pick a place that is prohibitively expensive for either party. That’s not playing fair. Save those for the “seal the deal” and/or “special occasion” date (more on which in the upcoming weeks)
  • PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE AWAY
  • Compliments go a long way

With all that in mind, and also keeping in mind that, according to ancient wisdom, a date is “at least a drink and a cultural event”, go forth with these location/activity recommendations from us (all of which adhere to the relatively quiet/good lighting/quality experience trifecta each first date location worth their salt should aim for)

GOOD ACTIVITIES FOR FIRST DATES:

Doing something on a first date is good. It distracts from awkward conversations, hopefully gives you something else to laugh or cry about aside from your dating situation and also builds a rapport.

So, here’s some cool stuff to do:

  • Suns Cinema – The Mt. Pleasant spot is our favorite movie theatre / living room / bar ever. Grab a drink, a frozen twix and watch a movie you will DEFINITELY want to talk about (our VDay recommendation: The Love Witch!-which, according to our editorial assistant Kaylee is a great litmus test because “if they love it, they’re cool, if they don’t – you don’t need them in your life anyway”) Show up early because it gets filled fast, and it is super awkward to not sit next to the person you’re on a date with on your first date.
  • Midnight Movies at E Street – See all the reasons above, but do pair it with some drinks or something beforehand.
  • Union Market – Eat all of it and then drink all of it and then go to Angelika for a movie after so you can digest in peace.
  • Lemon Bowl Classes – Now, Lemon Bowl may be the #1 place in DC to meet girls (since they are all there all the time being cute while learning to make cute things) but it could also be a great first date activity for a couple.
  • Brewery Tours – But only, obviously, if they’re beer fans.
  • Millennium Stage – There is a free, right-after-work show @ Kennedy Center every day
  • SoFar Sounds shows – Sort of secret, sort of intimate, usually pretty good – a great mellow opportunity to enjoy some music and hold someone’s hand during it.
  • PRO TIP: KEEP CHECKING BYT / BYT SOCIAL MEDIA FOR OTHER THINGS ALL DAY EVERY DAY

GOOD RESTAURANTS FOR FIRST DATES:

What makes a good first date destination:

  • Low Noise levels
  • Not TOO MANY distractions
  • A location equally convenient or inconvenient to both parties involved
  • and, OF COURSE, FLATTERING LIGHTING (this bears repeating, even if we already mentioned it our BLIND DATE GUIDE: YOU GUYS THIS REALLY MATTERS. Eventually you will hopefully be in a land where they will know and love your every pore, but for the time being they don’t need to even know those pores even exist.

Keeping that in mind, here are some solid gold selections, according to us:

Now, an actual list of GOOD RESTAURANTS FOR FIRST DATES:

  • 1905 – 1905 is one of those places that were built for dating. Intimate but not too intimate (read: cramped), flattering lighting, busy but not overcrowded, strong cocktails, reasonable prices, with an air of relaxed specialness to it. This place is like a friend you wish you could bring along, that’s how much they’ve got your back in the first date arena.
  • Compass Rose – A cozy respite in the middle of the BEDLAM that is 14th street. Amazing internationally inspired street food, great drinks, comfortable seats, a friendly, knowledgeable staff and truly an experience that’s hard to match in DC while still being casual enough for the most casual of first dates.
  • El Chucho – Great Mexican food with plenty of lighter alternatives, awesome drinks (AND HAPPY HOUR), a jovial, colorful neighborhood atmosphere.
  • Little Coco’s – Any bar / restaurant with a “tinder booth” has enough of a sense of humor for us to approve of it as a date location.
  • All Purpose – So you can go to Red Hen on your seal-the-deal date and still keep it in family.
  • Tredici Enoteca – Downtown is a cool place to take dates because you will likely not run into people. The new bar in Hotel Gregory has one of the more beautiful yet intimate settings in the city, top notch cocktails, is quiet enough to talk and the snacks are mere seconds away if you need them (we always need them).
  • Timber Pizza Company – Casual first date that could get boozier depending on where you go after.
  • Whaley’s – OYSTERS ARE ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA. Especially in a waterfront setting.
  • Hank’s Oyster Bar – Oysters, amazing cocktails, and a choice of three distinct environments: the front bar (fun, casual, not too insane if not on a weekend), the main dining room (lively but still intimate) and the lounge (you know, sexy)
  • Beuchert’s – Beuchert’s in Barracks row is delicious, has built-in conversation topics (history! taxidermy!), everyone involved is very friendly and there is plenty of places to bar hop around afterwards if you feel like it.
  • Eat the Rich / Mockingbird Hill / Southern Efficiency– Derek Brown and Angie Salame’s 7th street trifecta is a great “choose-your-own-adventure” date game just waiting to happen. Between the sherry/ham heaven, the oysters/cocktails-by-the-the-pitcher temple and the comfort food/whiskey dreamtown, you’ll be spoiled for choice. Also, a great place and time to discover if your date is one of those people who just “won’t eat this and refuses to drink that” which, in our book, is always a warning sign.

  • Espita Mezcaleria – Mezcal makes everyone feel a little sultrier. Don’t even try to deny it.
  • Bar Pilar Upstairs – I would never have recommended Bar Pilar for a first date before the expansion. Meeting friends for drinks: yes, first date: definitely no. Not because I don’t love it (because I REALLY DO) but because the downstairs was always so goshdarn busy getting seats and/or not yelling would be hard. But with the upstairs now open you get the best of both worlds: their awesome cocktail program, a combination of both small plates and more sizeable dishes, and a relatively intimate but never overcrowded situation to get to know each other during. Also: very flattering lighting.
  • Estadio – Now that 14th street is a jungle of new restaurants it is time to bank on the Logan Circle pioneers which you can actually get a seat at. Estadio wins always. Great shareable plates, amazing drinks (including that $6 tequila infused white sangria we always keep coming back for) and a perfect vantage point to watch all those suckers on first dates who were not smart as you go back and forth between other neighborhood bars.
  • Etto – A great low stress place in the middle of 14th street madness to grab a pizza pie and a gin drink. SOLD.
  • Jaleo – Jose Andres’ flagship wins for several reasons: small plates done right (we will always recommend NOT overeating during a first date on account of eliminating potential sluggishness/need for naps later), a room bright and big enough that it doesn’t feel like there is too much pressure applied to this occasion, and omg-that gin and tonic list. Plus, it FEELS like you’re doing something both worldly AND very DC food wise, which is nice.
  • Beau Thai –  It covers all your favorite neighborhood restaurant needs for quality Thai food, casual hangs, and a future coupledom favorite.

  • Boqueria – There is a derth of places to go on first dates downtown, and for that we welcomed Boqueria in 2012 with open arms. A great sangria selection, DELICIOUS small plates, a big bar to linger around during potential happy hour first dates. Also, added litmus test bonus: if your date finds something to complain about at this place, you walk away. Boqueria does what they do so simply and so well, you have to be a super curmudgeon to nitpick about it, and super curmudgeons are not worth wasting your precious first date hours on.
  • Room 11 – I know people who swear by this place. The only issue is: make sure you’re there early for the spots you really want. Also, I feel the need to quote Nick Pimental, one of the owners here (from BYT’S PRO TIPS VALENTINE’S DAY GUIDE  a few years back, which is STILL a great read btw): “Because of Room 11′s size, if your date is not going well, you can easily turn around and start a fresh new date with the other person sitting next to you. I have seen it happen many times.‘ File that under: good to know.
  • Slim’s Diner / Ari’s Diner  – Because sharing a milkshake on a first date is the ultimate cute story to tell your friends (and future kids) when you talk about your first date.
  • Vinoteca – Lots of wines by the glass, small plates galore, a great location to any potential show or otherwise you’d be going to, not too busy, and as Jessica Day in NEW GIRL can confirm “pink wine makes girls all twirly”

GOOD BARS FOR FIRST DATES:

(PERUSE OUR LEAST DOUCHEY BARS OF 2016 and our BEST BARS WITHOUT TELEVISION guides here too, please).

Now, it goes without saying all of this is best done on a weekday, ok? Save the fighting-the-unwashed-masses-of-partiers for when you have a stronger teamwork structure built up within this relationship you’re hoping for. Weekdays allow for quieter rooms, ample seating (it is ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO BE ABLE TO SIT) and both a more leisurely pace if things are going well (no one is breathing down your neck for that seat) AND an excuse to leave early if needed (you know, WORK nights and all)

  • Slash Run – Cool first date where you eat burgers and drink combos.
  • Quarter + Glory – First date for the person who wants to be near U Street / Shaw but doesn’t want to actually be with the people who hang out on U Street / Shaw. Great drinks and late night dance parties (if the evening goes that way) too.
  • Ivy & Coney – Keep it casual.
  • Kingfisher – See above.
  • Sotto – The bar below Ghibellina is dark, delicious and a great place to impress that first date a little.
  • McClellan’s Retreat  – The former Veritas is now a legitimate first date mecca of delicious cocktails, creative wine choices, quality beer, share-able plates, magical lighting and a great, friendly, non-judgey staff. YES PLEASE.
  • Republic – Great food (late night options included if you end up LINGERING, and you will), great drinks, FREE and awesome shows and a cool ex-video store setting make this Takoma Park joint a permanent favorite.
  • Lost and Found – Plenty of seating, a 3 hour long happy hour, a great location and a litle something for everyone (24 beers on tap, great cocktails, a fine whiskey assortment).
  • Jack Rose – Jack Rose sometimes gets overlooked in situations like these because it is considered too busy, too sceney. But the lighting is great, there is ALWAYS somewhere you can tuck in, and both the liquor AND beer selections are wonderful.
  • Hank’s Cocktail Bar – Hank’s Oyster Bars have had your first and blind game back for years now, so the fact that Jamie Leeds is opening new neighborhood spots in new neighborhoods is great. And Petworth is essentially the new everything. Cocktails are great, the lighting is flattering, and the old church setting allows for some fun digging through both Catholic guilt AND Catholic school girl uniform memories.

  • Roofers Union – From some of the best old-fashioneds in town to a dish called “sausage party” which, in our humble opinion serves as DC’s finest ice breaker, to three different locations and moods to choose from – you can’t lose here.
  • Petworth Citizen – Great drinks, great menu, AND A FREE LIBRARY IN THE BACK and a bookstore next door. Hi the most adorable of all adorable DC first date options. PRO TIP: Weekends get busy, make weekday plans.
  • Showtime – Just hanging out, having a beer, listening to probably the best jukebox in town and sneaking the girls into the men’s room to show them the collages. No stress involved whatsoever. Also a great Sunday night date option when Granny & The Boys are at it.
  • Left Door –  Just hidden enough to be a quiet yet luxurious experience.
  • 2 Birds 1 Stone – A little on the fancy side but essentially perfect in every other way: the drink are delicious, it is NEVER loud in there, you have all those booths and nooks to squeeze by in and the staff are that perfect version of the strong, silent type you want looking over and after you. ALSO, a great conversation starter bathroom situation.
  • Marvin (inside, upstairs) – the rooftop at Marvin is a permanent disaster if you’re first date bound. Busy, filled with random Australian dudes who heard this is the place to go, loud, etc. But, come early, go to the upstairs room before the rooftop, sit at one of those tables by the window, and get to know each other over the busiest intersection of DC’s nightlife while feeling oddly at peace. Also-lots of good smaller food options you can order from downstairs without committing to a full meal.
  • Bourbon – it is nearly impossible to go on a decent bar first date in Adams Morgan but Bourbon does a great job of being classy enough that your date doesn’t think you’re cheap and casual enough that you don’t feel like you’re being roped into something a little too soon too fast. Bonus: in the summer, that back garden is somehow still not too busy and great for conversing in.
  • Tabard Inn (in the lounge) – the couch area before you hit the restaurant is like the living room you wish you always had your first dates in, if it was acceptable to have first dates in living rooms. NBD. Keepin’ things fancy yet casual:

BONUS: GOOD HAPPY HOURS FOR FIRST DATES

  • Ghibellina – Mainly because the inside of it looks (Despite being pretty large) like it is permanently washed aglow in a fireplace flame (see note about re: flattering lighting) AND ALSO because the great happy hour (beers $4, wines $5, craft cocktails $6, and all pizzas under $10) happens on the weekends too.
  • Mintwood Place – Mintwood is an amazing restaurant but maybe a little too much of a full meal commitment for a first date (imho). At the bar though 5:30-7pm, you can get $5 glasses of wine and order a cheese plate, and you’re good to go.
  • Mari Vanna – Aside from the adorable interiors (which can help as a crutch during any conversation dry times), the place also features 70+ infused vodkas, and they are $5 during happy hour. Just pace yourselves.

(NORMALLY SPECIAL OCCASION WORTHY) FANCY PLACES WHERE IF YOU SIT AT THE BAR IT IS OK FOR A FIRST DATE:

(BONUS: going on a first date to one of these also allows for a great anniversary/birthday/etc sit down for a proper meal later on in the game (providing things go well, duh) which will automatically be considered even more romantic and darling as such)

  • The Source – Get the dumplings sampler and one of their delicious cocktails and mentally hi5 Chef Scott Drewno as your date’s face melts with every bite (at a fraction of the cost of a proper sit down dinner at the Source) .
  • Iron Gate – Jeff Faile and Brent Kroll make one of our favorite beverage teams in DC and the casual-but-romantic front bar room at this gorgeous restaurant is basically like a glimpse into the start of all your special occasions ahead.
  • Fiola & Fiola Mare – The drinks are both potent and thoughtful, and the food you order at the big, never-too-busy wrap-around bar is the food you can get in the main dining room, but with less commitment.
  • Kapnos – Mike Isabella’s sprawling 14th street situation is as much about the long, busy-but-not-too-busy-if-you-come-at-the-right-time bar as it is about the dining room. Get one of the traditional Greek cocktails and line that belly with htipiti.
  • Bourbon Steak – Get a cheese plate and either one of their classic cocktails (they have one of the finest lists we’ve come around) or the truffle martini and feel like a super baller on a first date, instead of just a regular baller you would have felt like in a normal bar.

having said that, please let us include some crucial

Solid Gold POST-First Date Advice

  • Do: Send them a text telling them you had a good time (BUT ONLY IF YOU REALLY TRULY DID)
  • Do: make next time plans (even if vague) on the spot to avoid the will-they-or-wont-they anxiety over the next few days. If someone is reluctant to do so (“I am very busy” / “I just got out of a long term super co-dependent relationship” / “I am not looking for anything serious but I’ll see you around” / “I am traveling for the next 3 weeks” are all textbook signs of said reluctancy) – take the hint.
  • Do: be honest with yourself if it DIDN’T go well. There’s other options out there.
  • Do: make out with them if the need to make-out is mutual (this is also the easiest way to avoid the awkward post date hug) but don’t sleep with them if you can avoid it (its nice to have something to look forward to), though, we do understand that sometimes you can’t avoid it.
  • Do: get on with your life. Even if you spent the 10 days prior to this date looking forward to this date: you lived a life before them, and you should be able to live a life after them.

Now that we have the DO’s sorted, it is time for some stuff that may sound remedial from our PRE-DATE guides, but still very much applies:

  • Don’t google them. Just don’t. You don’t need to see what position they played 0n their college lacrosse team or how they’re an avid tumblrer of Terry Crews gifs until they disclose this information themselves. Which will hopefully be on the next date if you see them, and if you DON’T – you don’t need to know anything else about them ever.

  • On the same note:
  • Don’t facebook stalk them. People think this is sort of harmless, but then you find out that their last girlfriend was 5’1″ and blonde or 6′ and Asian and you are none of those things and all of a sudden you start questioning yourself. Oh, and yeah, they only broke up 3 WEEKS A GO. There is really nothing good that can come out of having that information on hand.
  • Don’t instagram stalk them. Whether they take photos of ALL their food, photos of ALL their pets, photos of ALL their #squadgoals, photos of ALL their bedding, or photos of ALL their juicing habits, NOTHING GOOD IS GOING TO COME OUT OF THIS.
  • Don’t get your hopes up (this includes but is not limited to mass emails to your friends about how awesome this person was and how (s)he is e a an ex college swimmer AND a think tanker AND  you always felt you would end up with an ex college swimmer or a think tanker and they are both and omg …). CONTAIN YOURSELF:

  • and most importantly: DON’T GET BITTER AND/OR CRAZY IF THINGS DON’T WORK OUT. BitterCrazy is a bad color on everyone.

Now-tell us some of your recommendations in the comments. PLEASE. Check back in later too-we’ll deal with the super important SEAL THE DEAL date scenario.
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