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not only does Ms. Sasek

contribute her weekly obsessions to BYT

and

drinks tab like she was born with a pink straw in her mouth

but

Rebekah can be counted on to

Jump very high

And

Go down very low

While wearing tiny skirts, big heels, and awesome smiles.

Also, easily liftable,

Very bendy,

Prone to mirror dancing with chosen gays

And

Quick to her feet after falling.

Can be seen every Thursday at Noise academy at Cosmo

(inflatable penises or not),

on your living room dance floor,

and all over the 10 block radius

wiping the Long Island iced teas I splashed in her eyes.

Behold the magic that is Rebekah:

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