All Words: Ba’Naka!!!
It’s me! Your not-so-friendly neighborhood Drag Queen, Ba’Naka and I’m back with this week’s recap of Rupaul’s Drag Race. Last week we saw the punk Princess Sashay away while Miss Dita Ritz was left to prance another day. Now I’ve been told that I judged Dita a little too hard in last week’s recap and after re-reviewing the episode and evaluating my earlier judgments I would like to say…she looks a mess! (lol but I’ll admit her lipsync was sorta fierce…ok it was down right Sick-O-Ning…what can I say? Blame it on the Vodka) Now with that outta the way lets move on…the Princess’s departing words were lovly and inspirational. “This is (only) the beginning ! Much Love – The Princess / I ♥ U DIDA RITZ!” – aww how sweet…bored now…next!
The grrrls enter the workroom and Dita feels she has something to prove. The ladies ask Sharon Needles how it feels to have two wins under her belt..and right on que Phi Phi takes credit for the win By now I must make an Official Drunken Statement…Phi Phi O’Hara is on my last damned drag nerve! I’m not sure if this is due to editing or the fact that she constantly gives stank face to the camera and the other contestants but DAMN! Ok now that’s outta the way let’s move on shall we! We get our weekly She-Mail and Ru talks about … kissing Grits, Designing Women, the Golden Girls and working for the Jeffersons…and I’m left feeling both hungry and nostalgic.
And before we jump further in, let me welcome this week’s Celebrity Washingtonian Co-Recapper who will sit alongside me in spirit.
Celebrity Washingtonian: Henry Rollins
Drag Name: Iguana Swallows (maiden name: Sequoia)
For this weeks mini challenge the dolls are asked to partner up in teams of two and get ready to shoot a Memorable Mug Shot (and you should know that Madame LaQueer was the last b*tch standing yet again and was stuck with Willam)…but wait there is more…the ladies must paint each other…while handcuffed. Oh My, sounds kinky! Oh yea, and they only have 20 minutes to do this challenge! The mug shot looks are hysterical with the exception of Jiggly who looks very …um…demur? The mini-challenge winners are Willam & Madame LaQueer for their creative concept and back story.
Lights Camera Action! The ladies are going to Prison – Hollywood style in this week’s main challenge. They will star in the new television series “Hot in Tuckahoe”! LaQueer & Willam are team captains and rather than picking their teams Ru switches it up and has the girls pick name out of a box…oh sorry an Iron Fist by RuPaul Shoe Box (Product placement at it’s finest!). LaQueer is excited by this because, finally, she will not get picked last! The ladies are set to learn their lines and characters. We find out that everyone is an “thespian” and Kenya can’t read lines for sh*t. Also, we find out the Jiggly does not know what horticulture means (it’s an SAT word!). Oh yes, and just so we are all aware WILLAM WAS ON SEX & THE CITY! (and I’m not sure if you have heard but he is also an actor who has been on several television dramas…who knew?)
On set, we have guest judge Max Mutchnick (of Will & Grace fame) and Ru directing the girls. Willams Team is up and Max mistakenly calls Willam, William, and the queen is not amused and promptly corrects him and then directs Max to his/her nearest headshot. (smooth and subtle Willam) Now, when Ru mispronounces the name our doll is mums the word, which is questioned by Mr. Mutchnick. Willams response, “He has a $100,000 check” (good point!). Latrice turns out to be the real star of this show, impressing Ru and Max. You better Werk Miss Royale…best line ever! “Get those nuts away from my face!”
Now onto Team LaQueer. Sharon is having a hard time with her lines…and her profanity, side note, what is Max Mutchnicks issue with F*Bombs? Oh honey he would have a hard time working me…I cuss like a sailor and drink like a fish! I don’t know what I laughed at more, Sharon talking back to Max or Kenya’s Shakespearian-realness. Either way it was a mess and Madame LaQueer needed to leave the English accent to Stacey Lane Matthews. However Dita stole the show here.
As the dolls are getting ready for the runway Sharon tries to clear the air with Phi Phi about a comment she made during last weeks runway. Well, this causes Phi to lose it on Needles and shit gets real! And I am left gaging! Let me sum up this fight up for you…Phi Phi believe she is the reason why Sharon won & that Sharon Needles is one look queen who gives Party City realness and Sharon thinks Phi Phi O’Hara is a Tired Ass Show Girl and she herself is the future of drag! Wow …fight b*tches!!!! At this point in the show I am ready for a refill of my Absolut Orient Apple Cosmo…I love this kind of backstage banter it makes for great TV and awkward reunions!
As we enter the runway I must say RuPaul looks more Delish than a Blueberry Cobbler fresh outta the oven! Her best look so far! Our gals were asked to get all dolled up for the Red Carpet of the Hot in Tuckahoe Premier. Let’s review these looks and break’em down!
- Phi Phi O’Hara – Pure as the snow but more Pageant than Red Carpet.
- Latrice Royale – Love the dress but hate the accessories.
- Dita Ritz – I love that dress, I especially loved it when I saw it in Forever 21
- Madame LaQueer – I like it…it fits her shape.
- Wilam – Does it right in Vivienne Westwood…I’m sorry you gotta respect theWestwood!
- Kenya Michaels – Beautiful Stunning and Elegant…Werk Queen!
- Chad Michaels – Florence and the Machines meets Mother of the Bride
- Jiggly Caliente – It looks like there was a sale Jr Prom dresses at the Mall.
- Milan – I love her in Gold! Perfection!
- Sharon Needles – Funny and cute…and I want that dress!
Lipsync & Judgement
We review the divas videos, LaQueers team is up first and Dita stands out as the star in this piece.
We go on to team Willam and its very obvious which team did better. And that’s right, you guessed it! Willams team had the better “ratings” of the two and they are declared safe while, Large and in Charge, Latrice Royale is the declared the main challenge winner!
The Judges dig into LaQueers team, we find that Kenya failed at being butch due to pore casting choices by LaQueer,. Milan should have gone further. And LaQueer should have left the accent at home (duh told ya!). Dita Ritz Lotion UP and pump up that hair. Sharon’s wall of defense gets her in trouble.
LaQueer is up for elimination …but doesn’t know why(shall I rewind the tape for you?) I’m glad to see Sharon shows remorse it was the mature thing to do. Milan is also up for elimination…not sure why, I believe Kenya was far worse in this competition. The two lipsync to P!nk’s Trouble. Milan goes buck wild and wigs get lost and the stage gets a good sweeping via Milan’s ass meanwhile LaQueer doesn’t really put up much of a fight. In the end Milan stays and Madame LaQueer gets the boot, a decision that I am perfectly fine with. One Queen down and nine more left to go…next week is the much anticipated Snatch Game and I can’t wait….until next time!
*And remember you can always catch me at Town Danceboutique for the Ladies of Town Drag Show every Friday and Saturday night – 10:30pm)