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All Words: Ba’Naka!!!

Hey Gurl Hey! It’s your favorite queen, Ba’Naka, thank you for tuning in to my latest edition of Crashing the Race. As a semi-professional crossdresser I am here to lend my opinion, thoughts and drunken wit regarding Rupaul’s Drag Race…that’s right ladies and lady-like gentlemen….Drunken Wit brought to you by Absolut Vodka! – I should warn you, like my last sexual encounter I walked away from this week’s episode feeling cold, bitter and unfulfilled…I may be a little hard on the girls…so take a shot, sit back & let’s get down to it!

As our ladies enter the work room big mama, Latrice Royal has a tender moment as she deals with the farewell of fellow Florida Queen Lashauwn Beyond, who was sent packing at the end of last weeks episode. Miss Beyonds departing message was short & sweet. “Stay True to You XOXO” The other queens cackle and carry on as we wait for our latest She-Mail. (Which again was as blurry as last Superbowl Sunday…seriously Ru what’s going on?)

Mini Challenge

Lift Yo Spirits and Fly! Now I have to admit that this weeks mini challenge brought a little warmth to my black heart (thank goddess I wear waterproof mascara!). Ru has asked one of her fans, Piyah Martell, an inspiring transsexual teen (and Internet hit) who was born with a rare condition called Caudal Regression Syndrome to be a part of this weeks mini challenge. The ladies must design a fabulous headdress for Piyah using butterflies but first they must choose a partner, and with only a odd number of dolls left our dear plus sized sister Miss Jiggly Caliente is left the last man standing (I know I should feel some sort of sympathy for Jiggs but I don’t…sighs…yay vodka!) There are actually some cute pieces here…untill we get to Latrice & Milans contraption that falls to bits on screen. Did they try to come up a clever cover, or perhaps a story where they explain that it doubles as a clutch? NO, Milan simply looks Ru square in the eyes and says “We Failed”. — Come on! drag queens are supposed to be sly and cunning! We find out the our winners of this mini challenge are Phi Phi O’Hara, Kenya Michaels & Jiggly Caliente.

And before we jump further in, let me welcome this week’s Celebrity Washingtonian Co-Recapper who will sit alongside me in spirit.

Celebrity Washingtonian: Newt Gingrich
Drag Name: Tiffany Bluebox

Main Challenge

With our winners in place for the main challenge RuPaul places Phi Phi and Kenya as team captains. As they go down the line choosing their teams we are left with yet again Jiggly Caliente & Madame LaQueer (and LaQueer is p*ssed at Kenya for not picking her first…so much for Team Puerto Rico? no bueno..) The divas are asked to make infomercials to sell RuPauls albums Glamazon and Champion…. that’s right yet another challenge where RuPaul shamelessly hawks her products to an unsuspecting audience (have I mentioned that you can catch me every Friday and Saturday at Town Danceboutique…showtime 10:30pm!) .. such shameless self-promotion!
Phi seems kinda lost as team leader and Kenya Michaels just seems lost in translation prompting Milan to take over. Now Milan has been quiet and reserved this episode we see the doll really take charge ( And you betcha Ru called that one out…I love that sly catty look he/she shoots). During the Champion shoot Phi dismisses Sharon and quickly typecasts her as the GothChick (not complaining here..I adore Sharons Wednesday Adams realness!) causing some tension between the two. In my unprofessional opinion…I was bored during this segment…sure they flubbed some lines and sure they took some critiques from Ru and Madame Visage and sure Phi Phi O’Hara dressed as a gangsta chola for no apparent reason… but I was bored so I made another drink. (yay vodka!) Like I said earlier I wasn’t as entertained as I was with last weeks challenge.
*Oh yes one more note…Did Dita style any of her wigs before this competition? They look so ROTB! (Right Outta The Box)


It’s time for the Runway and our Guuuurrrllz have been asked to werk the main stage in their best Platinum & Gold!  I must say Ru looked stunning in her Kylie Minogue inspired hooded gown! This week we have delish celeb judges Amber Riley (Of Glee Fame) and Natalie Cole (Divine Songstress). Let’s breakdown this runway, shall we?
  • Milan – Disco Diva meets Jeanie in the Bottle … I can Dig it!
  • Chad Michaels – YESSS you better give Gem and the Holograms realness!!!
  • Willam Belli – Looking like an Amazonian Stripper
  • Sharon Needles – I didn’t know Elvis & David Bowie had a Baby?
  • Phi Phi O’Hara – Beyonce…I think Phi stole one of your Freak’um Dresses
  • Madame LaQueer – No no no honey, the Outer Space challenge was last season! (and may I remind you the challenge was platinum & gold not platinum and green!)
  • The Princess – Imitation is the highest form of flattery but don’t put yourself in a who wore it best situation with the host of the show!
  • Jiggly Caliente – If you are short and round play with volume and proportions…i didn’t find this flattering.
  • Dida Ritz – Kinda of giving a little Velma Kelly in Chicago….but damn woman pad yo’ hips you look like a linebacker!
  • Latrice Royale – ehh…it was alright
  • Kenya Michaels – there was a lot of texture going on…but Santino seemed to like it

Judgement & Lip-Synch

After the Runway we got to review the dolls videos:
  • Team Glamason – Boring and Messy…unimpressed  (told ya I was feeling kinda blah about this episode)
  • Team Champion – Kinda funny, flowed better than the other teams and Sharon killed it.

*I walked away from this challenge with this small bit of advice, if you want to do an infomercial just book Cher (and no I don’t mean Chad Michaels)
With Santino back we get to listen to his fashion “expertise” almost none of which I agree with so let’s move forward. The Judges favored Chad Michaels, Sharon Needles & Kenya Michaels while zeroing in on the the dolls with the lower scores Dita Ritz for a lackluster personality off the runway  (and horrible weeve! *jk that’s just me), Madame LaQueer for relying so heavily on her Spanish & bad choice of costuming (Duh!) & we see the Princess back at the bottom yet again for her shy personality and missed marks during the main challenge. Amber Riley called Chad Michaels polished and seasoned which tells me this ain’t her first time watching drag race (3 snaps in a Z formation for you Miss Mercedes!) and Natalie Cole gave LaQueer the stank eye… and I died laughing! Sharon Needles came out victorious in this challenge marking it as her second Win much to Phi Phis dismay…bitterness leads to botox darling watch out!
We Find Dita and the Princess at the bottom prepared to duel to the sound of Natalie Cole’s This Will Be. The Lip Synce is pretty even, both are on point but you can tell the judges are favoring Dita over the Princess. And sadly we see our bald beauty sashshay away.
Drunken Drag Queen Note: I completely disagree with this decision…the Princess has been consistent with her looks and performance all along…and so has Dita…sure….but in my never-humble opinion Dita’s look is severely lacking as Miss Lashauwn Beyond put it in episode one “Dita look a mess!” but again hey…what do I know! Until next week kids!

*And remember you can always catch me at Town Danceboutique for the Ladies of Town Drag Show every Friday and Saturday night – 10:30pm (yes, that was another shameless plug… I learned from the best…I learned from Ru)

XOXO Ba’Naka