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I’m a f*cking dork.

Most people get nervous when they have too much work on their plates, or food too, I suppose. My tension comes from having too many movies coming out at the same time.

Seriously, I can’t handle.

So I’ve schemed something up.

This weekend I will see Marie Antoinette (2006) and perhaps Mutual Appreciation (2005). The former cause I am a Coppola fan and the latter because it’s “indie” (nasty term) and will only last for perhaps another week. It’s in B&W too so suck it.

Our hostess and I will be catching Little Children (2006), which has Christian Bale in it, probably next week. Which will then become a Bale fest as I will thereafter be going to The Prestige (2006). Perhaps the hostess and I will catch that one too. Bale’s performances are always homoerotic, so what. I’m confident in my…ok.

And then I have to watch The Queen (2006), because well, because I’m also an anglophile. A cineaste anglophile or an anglophilic cineaste. And I am convinced that Helen Mirren will make Our Queen Mother (I’m a half-brit) look like Madonna.

Then there’s The Last King of Scotland (2006) , which brings back Forrest Whitaker. He’s such a captivating “indie” (vomit) actor.

And of course, after being pleasantly moved by Capote, I have to see Infamous (2006), because as awesome as Catherine Keener is, she was crazy-butch in that movie and I think that seriously (vomit) Miss Congeniality (what’s her name?) might do a better job. Sorry, CK.

Saw III (2006) comes out soon. The hostess probably won’t be joining me for that one.

And f*ck it, while I’m at it, I might as well just (I’m such a cineaste!) go ahead and see Flags of Our Fathers (2006) because, I love America and all that good sh*t.

P.S. I just discovered that Christian Bale is in fact not in Little Children. I guess that makes me an equivocating anglophilic cineaste.

Alright, time for my medication.