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by Ryan Mahoney

On this week’s Hot Mess Express we have Miguel’s less-than-heartfelt conversation with the girl he may or may not have given brain damage. Also, we have Joe Simpson’s response to former son-in-law Nick Lachey’s comments about trading under-table favors. Topping off the countdown we have Jesse Eisenberg being the jerkiest jerk in all of jerk history. Stay classy, guys.

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