Two hours (OK, perhaps two-thousand-two-hundred-and-twenty two hours of planning) into Bentzen Ball, I received a call from Jeff Garlin, which Svetlana perfectly captured in our Opening Night recap:
“He picks up and without a hello or an introduction we just hear a booming:
A FUCKING SMART CAR?
Brandon, shakes his shoulders and says, softly: Jeff? (as in Garlin)
from the other side:
YOU SENT A FUCKING SMART CAR FOR ME?
Brandon, calm yet apologetic: Sorry man, we didn’t really think it would be an issue.
from the other side:
Ha, No worries! You guys just gave me my opening bit
(Jeff Garlin, in case you didn’t notice, speaks in extra bold)”
Perhaps you attended the opening night show, in which Garlin (an amazing riff comic) did, in fact, recreate our conversation, his hotel stay, and question what a “Peri-Peri” was.
I did not.
I was midway through chain smoking my third pack of $1.99 cigarettes (thanks, International Airport of Dulles gas station!). Because, as an events assistant/travel coordinator at BYT, my two main responsibilities were as follows:
1. Make sure Retta from Parks and Rec got to her pool appointment on time
2. Manage itineraries, first class flights, business class flights, coach flights, cancelled coach flights, Amtrak rides, bus rides, ground transportation, late night Orange & Black trips, bottle openers, lost glasses, reimbursement checks, and sneaking beer from the bar at the Helix for the other 31 comics.
Now, with the PTSD nightmares waning and my lung capacity regaining, I’d like to let Jeff and the comics know a few things.
1. YEAH A FUCKING SMART CAR!
SPONSOR OR NOT IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING SMART CAR WITH TWO GODDAMN SEATS AND HOLY SHIT IS THAT A SPACE IN FRONT OF 9:30 CLUB THE SIZE OF TWO OF MY 6′ 3″ STRIDES I CAN MAKE IT AND HAVE ROOM TO SPARE FOR MY EGO THAT INFLATES EVERY TIME I CAN ZOOM OUT OF THE GATE AND TAKE A LEFT TURN OR PULL A U-TURN INTO A SPACE WITH MINIMAL EFFORT.
2. THEY DONE GOOD
NOT ONLY DID CAR2GO TRANSPORT 98% OF THE COMICS TO AND FROM THE AIRPORT AND TO AND FROM THEIR SHOWS THEY WROTE A FUNKY BUTTLOVING $100 CHECK TO THE GWU MAMMOVAN IN THE NAME OF SOME OF OUR FINE COMICS.
3. COME AGAIN NEXT YEAR
SERIOUSLY, CAR2GO AND COMICS GO TOGETHER LIKE CAR2GO AND COMICS BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN SWEET WHIPS, COOL FOLKS, AND JOKES.