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I love finding products/gadgets/services/ideas that increase the quality of life in little ways. I decided to profile some of them here on BYT. If you have suggestions for something I should check out, email me

Oh, the joys of making fart noises.  The whoopee cushion has long been a staple of flatulence humor, invented in 1930 by employees of the JEM Rubber Co.  True heroes.  The design seemed almost perfect at the time, simply inflate the rubber pouch by mouth, and then squeeze or secretly place on someone’s chair for an instant, and quite explosive, ass burp.  Many imitators followed, including the Razzberry Cushion, Po-Pe Ball, Rex Zow-Ee, Razz-Z Ball and Boop-Boop A Doop, but today it’s still the original red Whoopee Cushion with its immortal poo poo graphic that is still left standing.

…until now.

Exciting new developments in fake fart technology are upon us, addressing some of the major pitfalls of the age-old design. First off, there was the whole resetting business, after each release the cushion had to be re-inflated manually. A rapid succession of fart noises is virtually impossible as you fumble with the rubber slit. At long last though we have the self-inflating whoopee cushion.

Filled with a sponge-like substance the cushion instantly re-inflates after being sat upon or squeezed. There is a tiny hole in the top which allows the air to be drawn back in in less than 2 seconds, and then you are ready to let out a beefer again. Efficient, yet still holding on to that nostalgic red charm.

But of course, with the dawn of the digital age, we have seen an onslaught of upgrades to the timeless analog classic.  For those of you who could care less about nostalgia, we have Dr. Fart, an electronic keychain whoopee cushion, whose namesake is most likely the result of a mistranslation of sorts. While purists may scoff, Dr. Fart does address an important issue; as the years have gone by, the distinctive whoopee cushion sound has become quite recognizable by connoisseurs of gags and practical jokes, thus rendering its origin obvious. On the other hand, Dr. Fart’s rotating cast of fluffies, ranging from the dainty lady to the wet shart, will keep them guessing. But sadly Dr. Fart proves not very useful in practical joke situations due to the fact that the blame will always rest on the user.

The one who smelt it, dealt it, indeed.

Many other contenders have come and gone, but the electronic whoopee cushion needed a true champion, and The Fart Machine was the man for the job. This device solves a major limitation of the original whoopee cushion: timing.  The classic gag will only produce a trouser cough at the instant someone sits down, which often leads viewers of the prank to identify the source of the offending noise. The Fart Machine includes a remote control that works up to 100 ft away.  It also adds even more sounds than Dr. Fart, and now with The Fart Machine No. 2 (pun intended) adds more bass, to create the ultimate device in fake fart technology. Place it under a couch cushion and wait for that precise moment to unleash a wonderful realistically muffled anal salute.

One can only imagine what the next generations of the Fart Machine will be capable of.  Internet connectivity, nanotechnology, actual scent emitters?  The future of fake farts looks bright, it’s an exciting time to be alive.


Previously on Cale’s Guide to Efficient Living:

Weather

CaliBowls

The Knork

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