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Many times throughout my life I have said, out loud, that I wanted to learn some kind of self-defense or self-offense or Buffy the Vampire Slayer style path to ass kicking. I have yet to do this. My mother once said “Don’t do this, it will make you a better fighter,” but that’s exactly what I want! Or rather I want to channel my shitty feelings into something less shitty and I guess wax a bunch of cars in the process.

I burned through the second season of GLOW in a day, but it wasn’t because of all the cool fight moves but those too! In honor of GLOW and the reintroduction of lady wrestlers to the world I put together my ideal wrestling wishlist.

Freestyle Hi X GLOW Reebok High-Tops – $85

These shoes are amazing regardless of why they have made a triumphant return. The thing about the 80’s is people were super into being in shape but they didn’t have the footwear knowledge we have today. So, while these shoes were amazing at the time, they clearly offer no support and no cushioning. Whatever, they look super cool and I’m glad they’re back. In terms of the chicken and the egg, this shoe came first, then GLOW, then this shoe again.

Leotard – $410

What you wear matters, even if it’s riding up your bum.

Glitter Makeup  – $$

All that glitters is gold.

Wrestling School – $2000

Now that I have the look, I’m gonna need the moves!