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Sunday is Mother’s Day. You may have bought a gift for your mother or another mother or someone in your life that represents motherhood. Maybe that gift was food related. I bought food related gifts. Was what I purchased an essential kitchen utensil? Nope! Gifts are rarely needed. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and most every holiday that features an apostrophe is the right time to give useless gifts. Here are some unnecessary kitchen tools we would enjoy owning but would not spend a dime obtaining.

My mom wanted a small blender. Does she need a small blender? Hell no. She has a regular size blender. But I bought that stupid small blender. I do not want a stupid small blender. I have a blender I never use. But I wouldn’t mind a $2,977.55 (or $82 a month) Robot Coupe BLIXER restaurant quality blender. I bet that blender blends best.

Yesterday All Things Considered ran a story on Chef Adam Perry Lang’s new steakhouse and the custom knives he’s making for that steakhouse. It’s a fascinating look at a high level chef taking things to an even higher level.

The knives are technically available on the restaurant’s menu for as “APL “Felony” Knife” for $950.01. It’s priced this way so no one steals the knife and if they do, it’s a felony due to the price of the knife.

Since I can’t afford $950.01 for a knife, I’ll settle for this Zwilling J.A. Henckels Twin 1731 7-Piece Set for $2,400 (which averages to $342.86 a blade). Since the suggested price is $3,120, this is a deal!

In addition to slicing and dicing, you can also purchase tools to cook food! I want to build a pizza oven. This requires purchasing bricks and not much else. I think it’ll be great. I know it’ll be somewhere between great and this…

Image result for grill simpsons gif

Anyway, I’m considering purchasing this nightmare Blue Fish Terracotta Pizza Oven because at $149.99, it’s somewhat reasonable and will definitely create evening terrors.

Blue Fish Terracotta Pizza Oven

I do not actually want absurdly expensive blenders, knives or a fish looking pizza grill. But all of these are better than one use devices. I agree with Alton Brown. Knives and fire are all you really need. But basic knives and fire do not make good gifts.