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I wasn’t feeling incredibly inspired by any one particular theme for today’s edition of Wish List, so I decided to investigate just what in the fuck is in my Amazon shopping cart. (Black Friday has kicked off on Amazon already, by the way.) And there was a lot of shit in there that I don’t even remember wanting in the first place, but now I am reminded, and I want (some of) it again. Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

Stanley Classic Vacuum Bottle in Hammertone Green, $19.81

This is something that I absolutely do not need. I do walk around the city a lot every day (even and especially in cold weather), usually in the range of five to ten miles, but never have I once been like, “I am going to take a break and bust out a beverage from my thermos.” That’s not to say I don’t find this product aesthetically appealing, but it would likely collect dust in my apartment. You can still buy it for me, though. (You can pretend I’m like, a coal miner and/or someone who goes on lots of bird watching trips, and then maybe we can create the illusion of practicality.)

Dead Mermaid Skeleton Patch, $6.99

This has been in my cart for a very, very, very long time. I still think it’s really rad, but I don’t know it’s something I’d commit to sewing on any article of clothing I currently own. If I do ever end up buying it and wearing it, I will be sure my first stop is Starbucks to order a PSL.

Water Flosser, $24.99

My dentist told me to buy this. I did not buy this. I would allow someone else to buy me this, but I probably won’t ever do it myself.

Penny Board, $29.99

This is in my cart because I thought it would be a fun thing to take to the airport. I still think it would be a fun thing to take to the airport, but it’s definitely not something I need. Hence it will likely stay in the shopping cart FOREVER.

Computer Glasses x 2, $13.99

I actually really need these, or something similar to these. My eyes go absolutely fucking bonkers from staring at screens all day long, and these are allegedly supposed to help with that. Also, they are very inexpensive. Why haven’t I bought these. Why am I afraid of commitment. Why am I afraid of success.

Bread Toaster, $6.43 + $10.29 S&H

I don’t eat enough bread to justify ordering this for myself, but dear god, this is the best product to make toast! I didn’t even know these stovetop toaster pans were a thing until I went to Argentina for the first time in 2008, and my life was changed completely. Best taste, best method. Someone please buy this for me so I don’t have to feel quite so frivolous.